What would you do - honest answers please.

[Munz]

cos I went to bed at 11last night after giving joey his bottle (we're dream feeding) it didn't work so he weoke up and only took 2 oz, then he woke at 2am like he normally does and took the 4 oz as normal instead of the 2 he's been usually taking after having 4 at the dream feed. I crawls back inot bed at 3am only to find dh spwalled out across the bed and taking my bit of duvet - much kicking later I got in and some duvet followed by dan snoring from 3.30 then joey cscreaming at 4, managed to get him quite and fit in another hourt b4 dh says when did u feed him last??? and to top it all off the alarm went off and woke joey screaming again - thankfully today DH only pressed snooze twice but was not impressed. (I did feed him and he suckled for about 2 mins took about 5 sucks and then decided he didn't want any more).
I says to dh yesterday can u give Joey his bath - the reply I have stuff to do - what was he doing downloading the new adobe photo shop on his comp and it's ok theat joey keeps me up all day cos all I do is sit at home watching day time tv and on MN all day so I can sleep during the day but he can't cos he's working which is why for the past 2 weeks he's been asleep by 7p in the chair.

URGHHH! and and whilst i'm on me box! I say don't take any money out cos I want it to go to portsmouth with - I wanted to take about 300 for the 2 weeks for me and joey - so what does he do - ou of the 150 I wanted to save and take - he took 80, and left me nothing for food/ bread and milk so i've had to use the extra for thaht - not impressed at all.
I'm sooo pissed off with him, I would have slept int he spare room last night but he left the comp oin and his crap on the bed. I went out on friday for the afternoon - I left at 11 and said right Joey will be asleep by 12, want feeding about 2 then ring me and i'll come home and feed him the next feed - the little horror satyed asleep till I got home (at 4) - dh's responce - easy this parenting lark init!
not to mention as well, on sat I says can u stay up please so I can get saome sleep - he does at then at 2am I have to get up to tell dh joey want's feeding then at 4 I get up again to tell him he's screaming. I wouldn't have minded but he was awake on the comp. (and the feeding was done sat on my side of the bed witht eh night light on so I was awake anyways.
he's a good dad most of the time and likes doing bathing etc but only when Joey's quiet when he's not tired. I think well waht about me in all this - who's the one who gets up 3 times a night and then is woken up with the alarm and him putting it on snooze.

so am I unreasonable to want more than 3 hours sleep a night? am I unfair to want a bit of help - during the week I understand he works mon-thurs 8 to 5 but what about the w/e?? all I want is a good strech of slep and maybe half hour a day to watch eastenders in peace.

it doesn't help on fri Joey did an 11 hour stint asleep and onlty woke up once, I know it's rough with the smooth but surely I should have some support - or at least answers that don't include - u do nothing all day - I have to work, it's not ewasy for me either working. i'm more tired than u - don't know what the hell that ones about- or suck it up when i'm on ex I go 2/3 days without sleep u should be able to cope

ooh sorry bit long that!

(i'm prob being a touch ungrateful but i'm sooo pissed off)

I honestly don't buy this 'I work and you stay home so that means I do FA in the house/w/regards to childcrae, etc.'

That is BOLLOCKS and I wouldn't put up w/it.

B/c I worked and DH stayed home the first two years.

Rotate it out.

I'd leave. For the day. Alone.

I'd also spend a night elsewhere at the weekend.

can't i'm going away this w/e. I have issues on leaving him at night - cos DH would let him scream as he's such a heavy sleeper he wouldn't hear him. it's the day time thing thaht pees me off the most - how does he think the hosue gets cleaned the shopping gets done, the washing/ironing donw - his answers all the time - leave it - ahy leave it, but I cna't sit there with a house like a tip cos i'm watching tv - althou I do need a shower

then leave him all day w/the kid.

i can't believe someone would take such a disresepctful attitude towards their spouse or partner, as it is.

I really feel for you Munz. This situation will NOT last forever, it really won´t. I remember just how awful it is to be sleep-deprived; the world looks very grim.

Can you get your man to do at least one thing for baby EVERY single day without fail eg. bathtime. If this mothering lark is so easy he can do that can´t he? Then build up how much he does bit by bit.

All the best!

Munz I vividly remember having to train my DH when we had a baby, he just didn't 'get' it at all and he is a lovely considerate man.

I remember he had 2 weeks paternity leave and at one point I burst into tears and said, 'It's lovely having you home all the time but I thought you were here to help me, not to read the paper all day'. I then showed him how to load and unload the dishwasher and washing machine, and explained that he shouldn't need me to tell him when it needed doing, the dirty plates and washing should tell him. I think women only nag because men don't listen, if they require instructions every time they do a household chore it makes you seem as if you're nagging them. They can think, they need to take responsibility.

And when DS was 3 months old and DH had two weeks off for Christmas I'd just changed his night feed to bottle because I was exhausted, and I asked DH if he would just do one night for me and let me sleep for a whole night for the first time in 3 months. His reply: 'But I'll be tired!' is oft repeated these days. He now realises how daft it sounded and how much I needed that night (He did it by the way). He simply hadn't thought of it from my side. Men have this way of thinking that women just handle their 'stuff' naturally and that they can go for weeks without sleep somehow easier than a man can. He needs it explained in words of one or two syllables.

I go for weekends or days now and again and leave my DH to mind all the kids, it's essential if he's ever going to understand what it's like for you.

I think i'll have to leave him on friday then when he's home, the thing is cleaning wise when he can be arsed he's a good little cleaner - but I have to ask all the time - he's not stupid he know's how to do it all it's just he'd rather be on the comp. if he stays awake till 2am to do that feed so I can be back in bed within half hour after expressing some he then expects to be able to stay in bed till 2pm cos he didn't go to bed till late. :(

and do ur men also take their items out of the washer freshly washed and put their items in the dryer but not the rest .

(id I didn't know better I'd sware this was PMT)

Hey? He fishes out his washing and leaves the rest? Isn't it easier to take the whole lot out and put it all in the dryer??? WTF!!!!!

NO, DH doesn't do that, b/c he knows damn well what a wanky thing that is to do.

Good luck, Munz! I'd leave him the kid all day and a list of things to get thru. And I mean ALL day, like come back after bedtime so he can handle that, too.

I'd even go on the piss and come back at 3AM spannered.

Leave him Munz.
You'd be better off.
The washing thing alone defies belief.

Relationships are all about give and take and it sounds like you're doing all the giving and he's doing all the taking. Me and dh take it in turns to get up with ds even when dh goes to work. Also I agree to him going away for a weekend so that I can go away with my friends another time. It doesnt always work harmoniously, there is still a lot of nagging and rowing involved but at least dh does do his share now

Talk to him about what he is doing and how it is making you feel (if you can without exploding!) and then I would leave him to deal with your dd on a fairly regular basis. He'll soon appreciate what you do! But be warned, hormones can make us touchy, so be careful!

I was taught assertiveness by a person at work. It goes like this.
Tell the person what they are doing / behaving (ie, not drying all the washing)
Tell the person how that makes you feel (ie, frustrated, angry,)
Tell them to stop doing that act / beahving that way.
They then are responsible for their own behaviour and you aren't the one seen to be having a go.
I also found it works to say what you'd like to do instead, by saying I'd be really grateful if you could do all the drying for me, you have no idea what a help you've been doing that..........

Sound like I've gone back to school, but sometimes we need to spell it out to some people - guys can't always read minds!

thanks guys for the advice, I guess i've been so used to doing 95% of the work even when I was working, now something has to give - at the mintue it my sleeping!

anyhow I think tonight i'm gonna get some sleep as we have our 12 week jabs tomorrow, and then we'll talk tomorrow night.