I have read quite a few posts recently which seem critical of the OP for not realising that they are in an abusive relationship and/or assumes the OP is weak.
I just wanted to share my story. I grew in a fabulous family, warm, loving and perfect. I went to university, have a degree, a MA and run a very successful company. I am and have always been a strong, capable and independent woman. In 2005 I came out of a long term relationship and very quickly met another man. He was dashingly good looking, charming, loving and perfect. He was a bit older than me. Our relationship started and went from strength to strength very quickly. About a year in I discovered he was in fact married and had grown up children. He was 8 years older than he said. I found this out by him turning up on my door step saying he had left his wife, etc all for me (all lies she found about affair and kicked him out as I later discovered). And this is where it really started to get nasty, I never invited him to live with me, he just moved in. He subtly and very cleverly put the fact he was homeless, abandoned by children all on me. I wanted to run but I felt fully responsible for him and his decisions. Slowly he chipped away at my confidence without me really realising it, I became increasingly reliant on him, on his opinions, on his decision making being better than mine. He would tell me people would make comments about the way I looked, what I wore, how I spoke, etc - then would help me 'improve'. He even convinced me I had totally ruined my best friends wedding (total lies). He convinced me all my friends/ family didn't understand me, they only used me - he was the only one who really looked after me. He would cook me meals with dairy in them (I am lactose intolerant) without me knowing and then tend to me whilst I was sick. I thought I needed him and though I wanted to walk away each time he made me believe I had ruined his life and I was responsible. when I did try and leave shortly after all the lies about wife etc came out, he attempted suicide. I went back and felt trapped, no friends, no family and like a prisoner in my own home. I couldn't say he hit me and I didn't really recognise the emotional abuse. I paid for everything.
towards the end of the relationship I started to stand up for myself, would argue back etc. That was when I realised the situation wasn't normal. He would trap me in a room, block my exits, pin me down until I listened/ obeyed him. He even started spitting on me. If I really fought back he would move onto the next tactic and curl up into a ball and start rocking/ crying threatening to kill himself until I was beside myself with panic. If I upset him at all he would cause a scene wherever I happened to be i.e. turning up at work, gym, etc. I leapt from moment to moment trying to keep situations calm and collected. I never thought about the bigger picture because I couldn't put it all together.
when one day I discovered he was cheating again (suspected numerous occasions throughout the relationship) something inside me snapped. I suddenly saw him as a coward and a bully and realised the only way out was to expose him as his most important thing in the world was that everyone thought he was a lovely, nice guy! I managed to log into his email account (how I found out he was cheating!) and contacted all his friends, family, girlfriends etc, etc and told them how it was, what was happening. From that day I haven't heard hide nor hair of him. I dropped off all things at his friends and made it very clear I would contact the police if he ever came near me again. This was all in early 2007.
Looking back my family and friends all tried to help me, all saw what was happening but I couldn't see it, and prompted by him pushed them further and further away. they helped as much as I would allow and as soon as I clocked onto the reality of the situation they surrounded me like wildfire.
At the end of 2007 I met the most wonderful man, I am now very happily married to him with our second child on the way but I often reflect back on my escape and past relationship. I am only sharing this to try and reality to the situations some people find themselves in! And to say until you have been there it is so hard to really understand how strong, capable happy individuals end up in these situations.