What causes a crush?

[Childishcrush]

I posted ages ago about a childish crush I have had on the singer of a relatively unknown rockband since I was about 14. Anyway the crush is still going strong (Im mid twenties now!) and I have been wondering, what causes people to 'obsess' over certain individuals? the man in question is not even that good looking but to me, he's everything a man should be. Do you think sometimes we look at unrealistic 'crushes' when we are still searching for our ideal man?

Hmmm. I had a 'crush' on a man I suppose might not be considered attractive. He had a great bod and a big . . . well, you know. But I acted on it and it was very nearly the undoing of both of us.

From thenceforth, whenever I had a crush, I ran a mile.

There's no such thing as an 'ideal' man or 'the one' or 'soulmate' if you want my opinion.

I take to heart the words of Oscar Wilde, 'A man can live with any woman so long as he does not love her.'

I think it fills a need in us for space to daydream, or indulge in fantasy - not necessarily sexual, just another life or another way of being....it's like an escape mechanism from the real world I reckon, or a deflection mechanism to keep the mundane realities of life at bay.

I had a HUGE crush at school, lasted me basically all the way through school (secondary). I felt this as purely and simply loving and adoring this particular boy - and it was the most intense feeling. But looking back I can see that it really did fill a big need in me to protect myself from real relationships...I was never comfortable if someone did want to get near me in reality, never ever felt comfortable being looked at in a sexual way - couldn't define myself that way at all..

so in answer to you childishc, maybe your crush is not there while you are searching for your ideal man, maybe it is stopping you searching???

what do you think?!

I agree with sparklemagic, it's a way of thinking there's a more glamorous life than RL. You know: the bloke you dream about doesn't have sweaty feet, or ask you where you hid his tie ... I find my crushes have been a sort of comfort blanket when I was single AND when I was with someone (and none have ever been acted on, too frightened of wrecking the illusion!)

Think they work so well because of the tantalising 'not knowing each other' thing.

It's the perfect relationship because you know enough to marvel and admire, and get all the easy good bits, but don't have the work or hassles that come with a real relationship.

Also you get to be a romantic, cool version of yourself (cos they don't know the less glam, real you!)

It opens up the whole world of possibilities you get from a new person, like a glimpse into it, without actually diving in.

You (probably) haven't shagged them, so you can spin amazing fantasies about what it would be like.

I am horribly prone to crushes, but think they make our lives fun, if you make sure to enjoy it for what it is and not cross the line!

and there is "something" about blokes in bands too...(and btw unless you are super-low-maintenance it's not worth it!!!)

I have had the odd crush occasionally but a collegue once said to me when chatting about this very subject 'remember it's you who are making you feel like that not him' . Makes a lot of sense to me as mostly your crushee doesn't even know you exist!

Floatingonthemed...so is my DH hence wise woman-ly comment re needing to be low-maintenence