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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

so difficult

8 replies

Jasmum · 30/01/2004 11:22

Am I over-reacting? My DP is very controlling& so moody he often has moods for absolutely anything, he's very unpredictable. he;s Ok if everything is fine, like dd being good, eating all her tea, something to do at the weekend & bit by bit I care less about it & everytime I feel I'm moving another step away from him. When he's not moody he's funny, kind & good company. He's a fantastic father to dd & provides well for us. Howevver I don't feel he supports me emotionally. My sister has lost her baby at 23 weeks after suffering 5 previosu miscarriages, she's in hospital today for them to do what they do & I'm devastated for her. He apprears though to not care less, you could say he's never particularly liked her... he;s just completely devoid of empathy for the so very sad situation. This week he's asked for another baby & is quite obviously wondering why I'm so upset.
I feel so dissapointed but not surprised by his reaction. I feel like I hate him & I don't know what to do. He won't ever change it's the way he is - I've asked him to leave before but he refuses to go & we'll jsut ignore each other for days.
I feel so sad & so devastated for my sister & that I've got no support from home - this is so significant in our relationship. I haven't got the strength for the arguments anymore & I just don't know what to do..

OP posts:
Nicksie · 30/01/2004 12:15

Message withdrawn

Gumboot · 30/01/2004 12:19

No real advice sorry but sending you and your dd a big hug (((( )))), I'm sure that someone with more experience with these things will be able to help you more.

Jasmum · 30/01/2004 12:41

He can't cope with any pressures at all, what he has to do is always more improtant then anything I need to do. If he has dd on his own I have to either earn the time before hand or pay for it afterwards. If we try & talk we just argue, we're worlds apart & I don't know if I care anymore. :ast night I was talking to my sister on the phone when dinner needed serving, he did it while I talked to my devastated sister, he gave me a funny look, sat down. When I'd finished I went & sat down & he didn't say a word then he got up complained he had backache threw dinner in the bin & had a bath. All the time it's little comments like you don't care about me & then he say's he's joking. I feel battered & bruised & very very let down.

OP posts:
Janstar · 30/01/2004 12:46

What a baby he is! I'm sorry to say that it sounds to me as if he has gone on like this for so many years that you are now just sick and tired of him.

You need to escape, and you need to plan it in advance so that you can thwart his resistance.

Do you own your home? What is the situation there? Can you leave? Would he have somewhere to go if you changed the locks while he was out?

It isn't as if you haven't tried to talk to him about it. I think you'd be doing him a favour if you forced the issue since he is obviously as miserable as you are at being together, he is just too lazy to do anything about it.

Nicksie · 30/01/2004 12:49

Message withdrawn

Jasmum · 30/01/2004 12:53

We live in a flat (housign association) which is in my name, but I cannot physically make him leave & I know he won't go so I would have to leave. He moved down to be with me from another area & has moved his business here & all his mail etc etc, it would be very difficult & I would feel immensley guilty for this because he has nowhere to go. His mum wouldn't have him back there, he's got no money left, all been spent over last 2 years while he was trying to get his business up & running around here, I'm a SAHM which he wanted. So I would feel very very guilty but what else can I do. I would leave & wait for him to move out. i cannot beleive I'm planning this.

OP posts:
Nicksie · 30/01/2004 13:01

Message withdrawn

Janstar · 31/01/2004 16:02

It sounds to me like you have made you mind up. And I believe life is too short to live in such misery.

Can you HA help you to get him out?

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