My dad was always very rejecting, would literally ignore my presence even if I was stood in front of him trying to get is attention. He would just carry on with whatever he was doing as though I was not there. He would either be like that or he would tell me I was uneducated and stupid. That I don't understand anything. That he did not want to spend time with us because he was intellectually superior to everyone in the family and could not have a intellegent conversation with us. He would say things to my mum when we needed something that they were "her" kids so she should deal with them. He would also fly into the most terrifying rages at home and also in public, which was always so humiliating. We always had to tread on eggshells round him so as not to upset him or set off a rage.
My mum colluded with this. Did'nt do anything to stop him. She must have a shitty time because he is so controlling of her. However I believe she is very passive aggressive on me. She has no control over my dad so she always takes it out on me. She is very critical and invalidating. Tells me I'm not feeling the way I feel, tells me things that my dad has done never happened. I can't tell her anything because she always knocks it down. I made the mistake once of confiding in her that my first boyfriend I had had in my teens was very controlling and had raped me, she just that people should not let people do things to them that they do not like. There are countless times where she makes me feel worse when I tell her something personal. I don't know why I did it to myself, I know I am not going to get a response that will be emotionally nourishing for me. Like a while ago she rang to tell me something, I said that I was having a bad day and all she said was "oh, ok". Did not ask me what was wrong or anything. She comes round, doesnt even acknowledge me, tells me all these boring stories about fixing garden fences etc, interrupts me when I talk, mocks me, treats me like shit basically. Is always undermining me also, I posted just before xmas that she had invited my ex who I told her I was not getting on well with to a lunch without asking me first.
I am so filled with anger. Sometimes it is quite overwhelming. I know that if I confront them I will not get a response that I want from them. I will not have a healthy happy relationship with them. I have been thinking for a while about writing them a letter. I just seem to hate them so much. They have been so abusive and nasty to me my whole life. I feel they have tried so hard to ruin my life. Feeling like this is so not good for me. I need to put my anger somewhere but I don't know where or how.
Any advice anyone?