This morning I accidentally found out that DH is in arrears on a debt of nearly £1000 that I knew nothing about. Apparently it is possible to spend nearly a grand on two pairs of shoes and a coat 
It's the fourth time this year that I've found out that he's been dishonest with me about debt; only one of those times was it because he came clean about it. It's happened twice before this year, once about a huge overdraft and once about secret credit cards.
Dishonesty over debt isn't the whole story but I just cannot believe that this has happened again. When he got home I asked him to explain himself, he claimed ignorance and I lost it and told him to pack his things and leave, which he did.
I wish it hadn't come to this but I don't know what else I can possibly do. I've explained over and over how the things he does make me feel so awful, we've done a marriage course, we've had intervention from family and friends, we're in the middle of counselling. And still he is being dishonest with me. I am starting to realise that I can't make him into a responsible husband and father (we have 2 DC) and he, despite all his promises, can't be bothered. He has a completely different idea to me of what is acceptable behaviour. It doesn't matter how many times we agree to rules, every time there is an 'exceptional circumstance' that makes it ok for him to break them. There is nothing that he can say to me that will make me trust him again.
I'm furious but also deeply sad and so scared of what the future will be. I'm on maternity leave but I'm going to have to go back to work for a psychopathic bully, sooner rather than later. I don't know how I can possibly afford childcare for the two DC. I just don't even know how to start sorting out this mess.
Super-long post, sorry, just had to write all that down.