What do you make of this letter?

[Letters]

Found a hand written letter in the pocket of DH's trousers. The letter is written in very fancy writing, it has a name at the top then 3 women's names (exotic type names) with their phone numbers then at the bottom the name of one if the previous women and a mans name (not at all exotic) with a land line number. Then under that the other two women's names and a landline number. Both landlines are local to my area. By one of the women's names he has written a 'D' then by the other women's name 'Sin L'. He has been wearing these pants to do work in the garden the last few days so I know it is recent. Any ideas what it could mean?

Why don't you trust him?

Don't answer if you don't want, but my only observation is that trust is the basis of a relationship (that and respect) and if you don't have that, then you have serious problems even if these bits of paper mean nothing.

It is our wedding anniversary this month.... Perhaps I'm spoiling a surprise? He was away last week on a work course, which I know he was actually on as he has a certificate for it. But he could meet someone at anytime really he is always popping out to do stuff and I work 9-4 while he works shifts so plenty of time to mess around if he so wishes.

Basil I don't trust him partly because of my own issues (insecure etc) and partly because he has in the past joined dating/swinging websites, texted another woman for a long period if time, although I don't know what was said, details etc. Also after a night out once saw texts about going to a woman's house which he didn't go to but said would like to keep in touch with but I found out the next day. Also he lies about things, little and big and is so damned convincing I can't help but wonder what is the truth and what's not and now default to not believing him

Call- if you ruin a surprise so what, it's for your peace of mind.

What would you do if it was another woman that he was keeping in contact with?

What should I say when I call though? I don't know I'd like to say this time I'm done but I have form for falling for his lies and excuses

In the context of your last post; it doesn't really matter what this latest missive is about.

He'll lie if you ask him, you don't trust him anyway, and he's got form for this sort of thing. There's no good in it anywhere

He has joined dating sites.
He has joined swinging sites.
He has texted another woman for a long period of time.
He arranged to go to another woman's house one night.
He lies about big things.
He lies about little things.

Yeah, I can totally see how you think that the fact you don't trust him has anything to do with you having 'insecurity issues' ...

What difference does it make what the letter means? I ask that quite seriously.

I suppose I am just one of these people who need concrete proof or I allow myself to get manipulated by him. He is so convincing and I always end up looking like a fool thinking there was something in it when there wasn't really, because I'm insecure it's like I look for faults and ways he could be up to no good when in reality he isn't.

If your gut is telling you something then you can't ignore it.

Maybe you should just be open- or say, this number dropped out of my sons pocket, he's terrible with loosing pieces of paper can I pass on a message for you?

It would probably need more refining though

The first landline number didn't connect just said call ended and beeping. Second landline a man answered, just hello no business name, he sounded pissed off so u got nervous and hung up

Well done for getting the courage up! Have you typed the numbers into google? This almost always throws something back?

because I'm insecure
Look, insecure is often meant to imply 'irrational' or 'paranoid' or that there is no basis to the fears and worries and suspicions people have and women are constantly being told, or telling themselves, that they're being (irrationally) insecure. You are not insecure. You're thinking and feeling and acting entirely rationally and normally for someone married to someone who is untrustworthy. He has destroyed the trust and the reason you can be manipulated is that you somehow think that your feelings are crazy or your invalid. It doesn't matter whether he 'could be up to' no good, he already has been and by the sounds of it those past actions haven't been properly addressed and he is still a liar. So please stop thinking of yourself as 'insecure'.

What ate you going to say to the people who answer?

Going on what people have said it sounds like swinging. A couple and other women.

You have DC? Do you ever think about leaving? He's a swine, that much is already obvious.

Yes googled them all and nothing has come up. Rang the mobile of the lady of the couple I couldn't get through to and went straight to answer phone- standard bt answer phone message. On second 10000 look it appears that one if the women is actually a mans name, i read it wrong, so it's two male/female couples rather than two women. Not that it makes much difference I suppose

Can you check his phone for texts/calls to them?

Poor guy. Just ask him,

My first thoughts on reading what you said is that he's a gardener ( but that seems to be just at home) - so maybe he is doing some work for someone and the first name is the home owner, the second D her daughter and the third Sin L is her sister in law and they are contact numbers in ccase she's not home when he comes round!

Well that's what I thought it all meant so there is a possibly innocent explanation......

Sorry if I've missed this in your posts OP, but do you have access to his phone? I don't normally advocate snooping, but you could see if these are numbers he has called recently.

X-post Janey!

Maybe speak to the man and ask him straight out if your H isn't going to tell you the truth? You have nothing to be ashamed of and it's hardly like he has instilled confidence in you.