What not to say when dumping someone

[duffybeatmetoit]

Reading a thread recently the OP mentioned in passing some of the phrases they had used in ending their relationship. No doubt intended to soften the blow but having been on the receiving end I'd urge people to avoid the following:

1. It's not you, it's me - clearly not the whole truth and if you have any respect for them the truth is the least you owe them

1. I love you like a sister/brother - patronising and do you really have sex with your siblings too?

1. I've only got one life and I deserve to be happy -

totally narc and only accepable if you know the person whose life you are destroying has other lives in which they won't be sh*t on from a great height.

4, I want us to be friends - that is categorically not going to soften the blow

1. It's for the best - see above. It may turn out to be the best for them but it's not your call. At least be honest and say it's the best thing for you (narc again but let's face it how many people dump someone because they've put the other person's happiness first)

Much better to say that you're not happy because the other person has turned into their mother/won't let me have sex with other people/expect me to do everything or whatever.

If you avoid the horrors above you're far more likely to leave your ex with a bit of respect for you.

Duffy a hand hold from me as well. I understood exactly what you were saying in all your posts. You don't need to apologise to anyone, you haven't said anything wrong.

Charbon has made some great points - it is 'the script' for them to say these things, it doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, in fact far from it.

Please don't feel you can't post when you have a bad day - that is exactly what we are here for.

Eat and Worry thank you for the hand holding. As Charbon said my H made it clear that he had never had any real feelings for me. Finding out I had been living a lie wrecked my happy memories. It has recently become apparent that his family and friends were aware of his lack of feelings which has just served to make me feel even more of a fool.

They were well aware of his infidelities and have fallen over themselves to welcome the current girlfriend into their lives. FIL who told me that he had disowned his son now goes round during access visits to babysit dc so that H and OW can spend quality time together.