Through counselling for PND and night-feed trawling of the MN Relationships topics, I've had to admit to myself that my ex was emotionally and verbally abusive for at least 3yrs of our 5yr relationship. We split up almost 3yrs ago (my choice, v v difficult breakup). He has since become seriously involved in another (long distance) rship. I have had a brief but enjoyable relationship (also my decision to split) and am now a LP (my choice, ex is not father).
While I was pg ex made contact, wanting to establish a friendship. I agreed, pretty much entirely in order to avoid grief (this was a major feature of the last year or so of our rship plus a year afterwards- me just doing what he wanted because I couldn't cope with the browbeating I got for voicing my own needs). If I had ever taken the time to really think about things and see the toxic rship for what it was, I would never have wanted to be in touch, but I hid from it all- too painful to touch.
Now, I feel still afraid of consequences of 'de-friending' from ex. I am too overwhelmed by everything else in my life, I cannot cope with the possibility of months and months of constant abuse by text, phone, email etc again. Our contact is v v sporadic - have seen him I think 4x in last 2yrs. And friends on sodding fb. I think it might be easier to just maintain this contact, reactively, rather than go through the possible drama of cutting connections. Is that ok, or is that still a weird victim mindset?
I am still feeling a little shell-shocked by the realisation of just how awful that relationship and its aftermath was for me.