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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

square one

6 replies

raspberyfool · 10/05/2013 18:44

Well my first relationship after my xh has ended. It wasn't a long relationship and not overly fulfilling for me as he always let me down.
I don't love him or really want him and it would never go anywhere.

So why does it hurt so much. I feel unlovable and deflated.i feel sad that yet again was not worth fighting for.

I know people come into our lives to teach us lessons but this one has nearly knocked me back to square one.
Has anyone else felt like this over the first fling after separation.

Any advise to get him out of my head as was actually in good place before i met him.

OP posts:

akaWisey · 10/05/2013 19:07

raspberry sorry to hear you're hurting.

I think it's hurting because the first relationship post marriage is usually a bit loaded with hope and expectation especially if the marriage ended badly.
Sadly this one let you down but it wasn't because you aren't worth fighting for. Of course you know this deep down but it's really important to put this one down to experience. FWIW my first relationship after divorce ended when I realised the same as you. It did sting a bit but it was the right thing to do and now I'm happy to be single and dating on my terms.

Remind yourself that he was punching above his weight with you, he couldn't deliver what you deserve and it's his failing. He can never let you down again - ever.

Here's a . Toast yourself and a good decision.

Original poster

raspberyfool · 10/05/2013 22:09

Thanks aka just had a girly night with a friend and she said same thing. I will put this down to experience. Hold my head up and carry on :-)

OP posts:

lisaro · 10/05/2013 23:28

I will bet you get over this far more quickly than you expect, Raspberry, it's like a bruise on a broken leg - hurts like a bitch but only because of what's happened before. That has to be the shittest analogy ever, but it (just) makes sense.

ClippedPhoenix · 11/05/2013 00:03

Oh OP, if its any consolation at all I feel like shit, Ive lost my mojo after a break up with someone I didn't really get on with for 3 and a half years. I went on a date the other day and I soo so wanted to fancy him but I didn't and cried all the way home. Time is a great healer (wine).

ClippedPhoenix · 11/05/2013 00:04

of course!

Original poster

raspberyfool · 12/05/2013 07:53

Thanks for all your replies.
I think this relationship was loaded with expectation. Also a bit of infatuation as well. Weird thing was didn't like him at first but he wore me down so to speak.
Would constantly text etc then would start forgetting to text or the classic i sent you a text but it did not send.

I feel fine sometimes then pop he's back in my head. Wish i could scrub my brain as he's really not welcome in there

OP posts:

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