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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Beyond a joke

43 replies

lillysgarden · 20/05/2006 15:56

I have been with my fiance for almost 2 years, he was always a bit odd but I thought he was just 'quirky' and he did make me laugh and all my family loved him, he would play practical jokes on people and whilst he was sometimes a bit ott I thought some people just dont take much seriously, anyway we moved in together 2 months ago and he seems to have turned totally nuts and I'm regretting giving up my old house. I cant talk to my friends as they just burst out laughing saying he sounds great or half the time they think I'm making it up and all my family still thinks he's great apart from my grandmother who thinks he has a screw loose and that I should get rid.

A couple of nights ago I went into the kitchen to find tea bags splattered up the cupboards, my son is only 7 so wouldnt have been messing around with hot water so I asked DP what he had been doing and he fell about laughing asking what I had seen, there were 2 wet teabags stuck to the cupboard with tea dribbling down them and onto the floor and while it might sound funny to anyone else the idea of a grown man slinging wet teabags at the kitchen cupboards is just bizare to me and it has also stained the cupboards.

I bought some satin underwear from anne summers with my birthday money a couple of weeks ago and I came home from work a day later to find the dog ripping them up Sad turns out DP and tried to dress the dog in them ready for me coming home and the dog had got pissed off and destroyed them, again DP was creased up laughing and hasnt even offered to replace them and I'm more annoyed as they were bought with money from my eldery grandparents.

a few days ago I asked him to put some sun cream on my son whilst I got his bag ready and I came downstairs to find purple sun cream all over his face, hair and uniform, as well as the carpet and settee. son said DP just suddenly went nuts and started squirting it all over the place, I then had a huge performance from son who was refusing to go to school covered in sun cream.

Lastly I asked him to give the bedroom a quick tidy yesterday as the plumber was due to fix the boiler, 10 minutes later I went upstairs to find all the clothes from the wardrobe all over the bedroom, the printer paper all ripped up and thrown all over the place and the bed matress on the floor, DP was sat in the corner of the room laughing like a mad man, I ended up having to ignore the door when the plumber arrived as I darnt let him in.

I cant even talk to him because he just bursts out laughing but its not funny anymore, he's ruining all my things and god knows what the neighbours think when they hear him screaming and making noises etc.

Theres loads of other stuff he's done too.

Is this bad enough to leave someone over? Could there be something wrong with him (seriously, as in medically) am I just being a misery? He says Im old before my time but I dont know anyone who acts like he does. We're both 27.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 20/05/2006 19:13

are you sure he's not on drugs or something?

some of the behaviour you describe sound a bit like pyschotic episodes but either way, he'd probably need to see a mental health professional to get some sort of diagnosis. Is he very stressed?

Crystaltips · 20/05/2006 19:15

SOrry - but I'd rn a mile .... it's not funny and would driveme wild.

poor Poor You

Hoopoe · 20/05/2006 22:01

You can't really trust him can you? IMO you need to be able to really trust the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with... Get rid of him now while it's relatively simple... Sad

Rhubarb · 20/05/2006 22:04

Just asked dh about this one, he says his behaviour towards his mum says a lot about who he is as a person.
ADD in an adult is his version. I doubt he'll change now.

lemonstartree · 20/05/2006 22:13

LEAVE HIM

this is wierd and frightening.

Its NOT funny; its not a joke it is disturbed behaviour.

your child is frightened.........

I would suggest that converstaion " this (all those things you have mentioned) is frightening me and ds, if it happens agin we will be leaving"

You do not have the problem HE does, dont let him turn it into yours...............

good luck

hugeheadofhair · 20/05/2006 22:20

I hope you can find the strength to leave.
Because that's what you've got to do,without a doubt.

If you still want him as your boyfriend it has got to be in a LATrelationship.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/05/2006 08:10

lillysgarden

Think your grandmother is right. This is bad enough for you to leave someone over and it sounds like his behaviour has worsened over the past two years.

This man is deeply disturbed for whatever reason and you cannot carry him and his problems any more. They are his problems and his responsibility. This is too big for you to face on your own and this man needs professional help.

Your primary and overriding concern should be your seven year old's son safety and welfare. He cannot and should not live in such a house. Nor should you.

NotQuiteCockney · 21/05/2006 08:19

Like Trifle, the mess is bugging me. Who did he live with, before you? Was his mum sorting out his "jokes"?

I would leave someone for this sort of thing, I think.

SomethingAboutMary · 21/05/2006 08:53

Hmm very strange behaviourer, i would be very careful, can you go & speak to a doctor & ask what they think? this behaviourer is not normal & could turn for the worst, i really feel for you xx

toadstool · 21/05/2006 09:00

Can I ask why you are tolerating his behaviour? Perhaps it would help to [a] walk out, [b] tell (or write) him why [without blaming yourself], and [c] make sure he can't find you for a while, as there may be more wirrying stuff going on than you're willing to admit. Sorry to be harsh: it's your life, your son, and you're exposing him to a man who is displaying disturbing behaviour (incidentally ADHD does go on into the 20s and ritalin can help). Good luck.

2mum · 21/05/2006 13:49

Hi Lilysgarden, id be scared if i were you. I dont know how you can sleep at night living with a nutjob like him. Im surprised he hasnt painted your face or something while you were asleep. Get out of it, get your kid away from that madman.

lillysgarden · 21/05/2006 14:18

He has painted my face whilst I was asleep once, it was only with make-up though and he made me a clown face but at the time I thought it was funny, i'm up for a laugh but it's no longer harmless jokes. He apparantly shaved his brothers eye brow off once whilst he slept which IMO is going too far but this was before I met him so it just shows it isnt just recent behaviour.

I have tried talking to him, I said I no longer find the stuff he does funny and he practically collapsed in a heap on the floor laughing hysterically with tears running down his face, the scarey thing is you could tell he really was trying not to laugh. He burst out laughing at at NSPCC advert a few weeks ago (one of the sad ones) and a friend said it seems that sometimes he laughs when he doesnt know how else to react..?

He also comes out with random phrases like yesterday he was on the phone to his mum and all of a sudden he went nuts and started screaming "chasing pigeons!! chasing pigeons" over and over again and his mum actually hung up on him. He also has a thing about saying "fanny baum" whenever I walk past, sometimes its just said under his breath and I ignore him but other times he shouts it out, I dont even know what it means and I cant ask him as it just encourages him.

I used to tidy his mess up but now I make him do it, after the plumber incident though I made him tody the room and he destroyed the sheets with a pair of scissors, probably so that I didnt ask him to tidy up again.

I might make an apointment to see a doctor next week but I dont know if he will take me seriously.

OP posts:
2mum · 21/05/2006 14:28

Your last post about your boyfriend is actually very disturbing. From what you say he sounds like he needs professional help. I dont know whats wrong with him buts it must be very worrying for you. Put on an appointment with your gp who will refer him to a psyciatrist most likely and try and get him to go.

Rowlers · 21/05/2006 14:30

Life's too short
I couldn't and wouldn't want to put up with it.
He may be fabulous the rest of the time but does that outweigh these other "episodes"?

moondog · 21/05/2006 14:31

iT'S ONE OF TWO THINGS...

HE'S SERIOUSLY ILL/DISTURBED

You're making it up

zippitippitoes · 21/05/2006 14:40

The symptoms you describe are actually very typical of a kind of dementia called Pick's disease which can afflict people as young as 40 but he is younger than that, I think you should get him to see a doctor with a view to a brain scan as brain tumours also affect behaviour.

Drug abuse could also cause these types of behaviour.

Hoopoe · 21/05/2006 14:41

Yeah. This is lunatic behaviour or it's a windup.

scoobytwo · 21/05/2006 15:25

i agree with moondog
i think you are winding us up
but if your not then why on earth would you be with this guy
its like having a child with seriously &bad behaviour or a medical condition so why chose this from a so called partner*
lol is all i can do&ask why

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