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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

A year later

7 replies

sykes · 29/01/2004 15:45

Bugsy - thought I'd take you up re another thread - don't worry, obviously, if you don't want to post. But wondered how you are/how the children are etc. From my perspective he REALLY left in May last year, bought a flat with his gf late last year. And seems inappropriately happy and quite shameless. Elder dd very unhappy at times and is finding it difficult - she misses him terribly. Hope things are better with you.

OP posts:

Bugsy2 · 30/01/2004 13:32

Hello there Sykes - thanks for enquiring. I notice you didn't say in your update how you are feeling.
Well, a year on, I am just starting divorce proceedings. He has made an effort to see the children more and is showing more interest in doing activities with them. Unfortunately, he seemed unable to completely finish with HER and nor would he commit himself 100% to making our relationship work. So, I told him that he had left me with no option but to end our relationship.
I feel very sad, disappointed and despite knowing I shouldn't, I can't help but feel a huge sense of failure. However, I also feel a sense of relief that I can move forwards with a clearer idea of where I am going.
Kids are fine, DS (the elder of the two) is enjoying the more regular contact with H and DD will never remember a time when her father was a permanent feature in her life, so she is totally unfazed.
I am back at work (part-time), which is fantastic and has given me sufficient lift to start contributing to Mumsnet again!
How are you though. I'm so sorry to hear that your eldest DD is suffering so much. Are you going for divorce?

Batters · 30/01/2004 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GRMUM · 30/01/2004 16:59

Bugsy, sorry to hear that it has ended up like this, but very glad that you are starting to feel that things are looking up.All the best for the future.
Please don't allow yourself to feel a failure or to blame in any way.You most definatly are not.

Original poster

sykes · 31/01/2004 21:16

Bugsy, I should start divorce proceedings - just can't face it - very stupid of me and I will do. Don't feel as bad as I have done in the past - which is good, but it's very hard with two children, as I'm sure you know, and I work full time so out of the house for over 12 hours a day - and that's a good day. Thanks god for my wonderful nanny. Elder dd still very upset and today was a classic - hit him, kicked him and she's usually such a gentle little soul. She's just very angry. He's backed off introducing the gf - or so it seems - but I think he's aware that elder dd would be a nightmare. She is now refusing to visit his flat - so he'll have to work it out because I'm stumped. He thought it would be much easier than this and we'd all be amicable etc by now - in his dreams ... but I have to support the girls when they do meet the gf - just not sure how. She wants mummy and daddy together - hardly a massive thing to ask at four. The other one is just two and - like your younger one never had him around full time from about 14 months so won't miss it. Oh, dear.

OP posts:

tigermoth · 01/02/2004 20:11

I'm glad you're still here bugsy, and I am glad that behind all the dark thoughts is a sense of relief that you have a clearer idea of where you are going.

I think it's very telling that you say you find your new job fantastic. If you can feel happy about something new in your life, you are moving forward.

Festivefly · 09/02/2004 13:12

Hope you are well Sykes, doesn't seem like a year hey. I thought i would have forgotten about him after 6 months. How naive, i'm still battling with solicitors, still boil with anger at the things he does, and still feel sentimental and miss our life together! B@stArds

Bugsy2 · 12/02/2004 14:14

Thanks Batters, GRUM & Tigermoth.
Sykes, for some reason I didn't see your reply - had to go looking for it. Probably picking away at a scab here, but what is it about the divorce that you can't face? Is it the money, logistics side of things or is it the death knell to your relationship with your H?
I feel so sad for your dd. In many ways I have been fortunate as my H travelled so much, ds simply isn't used to having his daddy around all the time. In actual fact, my kids have seen more of H in the last 6 months, then at any time when he was actually living with us.
I can't think of any helpful advice to give you for her. Have you spoken to your health visitor about it?

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