I have one DS aged 11 with my exp. Exp was very abusive to me when we were together so I left when DS was 5. Since then exp has regularly seen DS. Originally exp wanted me to ask him for financial contributions uniform for school etc as and when needed but this wasn't ideal as he would often say he didn't have any money and couldn't pay. So I contacted CSA in late 2010. Exp thrn asked for a private agreement instead of Csa collection but often didn't pay for weeks at a time. I involved the Csa again at the end of last year and he finally started paying through deduction of earnings in March this year but obviously has arrears.
Since then he has been trying to pass nasty messages on to me through Ds who finds this very distressful. He's fed up of hearing his dad complaint about paying child support it has started to affect his moods.
I recently took my Ds to the GP about his low mood and he told her he was fed up with having to hear nasty messages and then having to lie and say he told me these things when he hasn't and he let slip to his dad that he'd seen the GP but he says his dad exploded, demanded to know what had been said and called him a liar when he said he couldn't remember. He also called Ds selfish when Ds asked not to be given messages for me.
I have taken advice from a solicitor and have contacted exp telling him to stop ss he's causing distress and upset to Ds. He has obviously denied everything and complained bitterly that Csa means he can't afford to live.
Ds thinks this is all his fault and I have tried to explain it isn't at all. Please could you advise how I can explain exp behaviour in a way an 11 year old might understand.