Godparents relationship...Advice needed

[SHHHH]

Before I explain, I want to apologise as this may be in the wrong section but couldn't decide where best to post it..!!!

Basically my dh has a group of bf who he has known since he was at school, one friend in particular he's know since he was 3 at nursery...DD gets christening in a few months time and we both decided that one of the sets of god parents would be the above friend along with his gf (who he's been with for approx 3 years, live together,expected to marry et etc etc)
They seem to be a mature couple and were honoured at being asked to be god parents,they are both quite sensible and seemed to be an ideal couple for our dd's gp.

Last weekend the said couple had a MASSIVE falling out, haven't spoken to each other all week (I now find out this is a regular thing..esp not talking..IMO it's not an ideal way to "run" a relationship iykwim). I am friendly with her (although only through the lads) and have been in contact with me this week not sure what's going to happen with the relationship...Now the problem is this: Our dd has just turned 1 this week and we are having a get together for close friends and family....they are invited as we class then as close friends..BUT last night dh got a text off him to say he would come if invited but she wasn't..........

1. They were always BOTH invited and to me it sounds a bit childish to ask if he was invited as only she got the invited....usually it's me who ask's the women as the men are useless at remembering.

1. FFS they are our dd's godparents (to be)...this is her 1st birthday.....

I feel they should both be here and if only 1 or none turn us then I will be very annoyed. DH feels the same.....He's text him back last night saying it's a shame only 1 will be there with it being her 1st b'day BUT hasn't got a reply back...DH doesn't want to give his friend more grief than he's getting from his other half...

WHAT WOULD YOU DO...????? I am very annoyed but don't know how to handle it. Would you say something or would you suggest they don't be gp..??

I have an idea that if they do split (she's deciding this weekend) we will never see her again and she has hinted at this with other conversations I have had NOT related to dd..

HELP...

PS sorry it's so long......

I think I would just ask the man. He is the long standing friend and the one that should keep in touch with your little one. Yo were only asking her as she is his partner!

but how would you approach it..? We asked them a month ago "officially"...

I feel bad going back on the plans but if they don't split I still feel the relationship isn't as stable as we thought...If we say this and that we have changed our minds and they stay together it's putting us in a position where I think there would be arguments between us...

I would talk to her tell her your worries and how you want a godparent that is around for your DD, and now their relationship seems to be over, you feel she wouldnt be a appropriate!
If you wont see her again does it matter if you upset her?
Say if they get together again of course she will be acting god mother as his partner.
Most of our godparents we asked one of the couple, after our first set splitup!

See if I hurt her feelings I know it's easy to say I wouldn't see her again so why bother BUT I am such a coward at being straight with people like that..also she is quite a scary person iykwim..A nice person BUT I wouldn't want to cross her iykwim..!!!

Would I be wrong in suggesting dh has a word with his friend.? I know dh would be straight with him as always BUT I feel bad putting on dh..

It sounds so trivial BUT my gp's have not had contact with me for years. One set were family and the other friends..I don't want it to be like that for dd.
A bonus though is that (due to being confirmed etc) I am going to be one of dd's gp..so at least she will see one at least!!!

You are right though with who to ask..next time it will be one of the set ONLY..!

btw just read through the initial post..omg how many mistakes..Sorry , typing fast while thinking and not checking after is not a good idea..!!!

godparents we have chosen have always been one of a couple-no one has felt offended.

The godfather is obviously a much closer friend.
I would just ask him to be the godparent.

arent you automatically a godparent anyway?
I would ask DH to have a word,or chicken out, by the time the Christening is she may be long gone!!

Sounds like a tough one and hope you don't mind me butting in but tbh if you don't feel you can talk to this girl about a matter like this then surely you don't want someone like that for your child. It is hard to decide on these subjects and god knows i have friends in similar predicaments but when it comes to the potential upbringing/influence on your child then you will want someone who is open and honest and who you can be too, also someone who won't be disappearing in a couple of months/years leaving some strange woman on your precious christening details an of course the photos'.
A bit different but when i got married last year i had a small wedding because despite having loads of friends i can't honestly say that they are still going to be around in 5 years time-circumstances change etc, and i just didn't want people there who#s names i couldn't remember in a few years. Instead me and dh had about 2 friends each and our best friends-brother and sister.
Did yhat help-i'm still sleepy

apparently the parents aren't automatically a gp...At our church at least one of the gp had to be confirmed into the church..none of ours were....The vicar suggesting asking someone who was..!!! . I told him it wasn't an option, that was when he then came up with the suggestion of either dh or I being a gp if we were confirmed..hey presto..! BTW noone else I know has had the same issues with gp being confirmed etc...

AM you are right in the fact that come the christening in a few months time the said gp may no longer be around....

frodofitz your point:

"if you don't feel you can talk to this girl about a matter like this then surely you don't want someone like that for your child"

was totally true...tbh I think she was considered as she was a partner...

The other set of gp's are dh's bf and his wife I am good friends with the wife and have been for 10 years (since I met dh) yeah sure we have different ideas on bringing up our children but doesn't everyone..BTW we have recently become gp for this couples ds. Also I know they will be around in years to come. I know I would see her no matter what.

I am gp to one friends son but to be honest looking back i have been pretty rubbish, i would say someone with kids is probably better. Just being that i couldn't understand the responsibilities involved without having children of my own. Now of course i am gp from heaven with regular contact but iam sure my friends must have regretted me doing it at some point...other than that she had a LOT of faith and knew i would pull through..

All I will say is, be very careful who you choose.

My DD has 3 godmothers & 1 godfather. The godmothers are related (my ex bestfriend, her sister & ex bestfriends daughter) after a fall out with "best friend" she has ignored all of DD's birthdays, xmas etc. She said there was "no point". To that end, her sister has also cut contact. The only one who bothers is the daughter (who is 18, I'm her godmother too) It saddends me to thing dd isn't important enough to someone who was my friend for 14 years. I choose so carefully, but still messed it up. Apparently, she had resented dd since the day she was born!

I now have the pictures with the strange face and sometimes can't even look at them without feeling hurt.

frod, I have to disagree about having children being better.

I have been godmother to ex bestfriends 2 children for 8 years, six of those where when I didn't have children. But I took the responcibilies seriously. Babysitting, taking them out, having them to stay, at times it was like they were my own!

2 of dd's godparents have children, the ex bestfriend & her godfather and they are the worse of the lot! Only the 18 yr old really shows the commitment I expect, the godfather is around & would be there for her, but he needs his bum kicking every once in a while.

Hi shhh,

godparenting is so tricky. I dont actually think some people take it seriously enough, and she sounds like one of them.

If I were you I would retract the request for her to be godmother, but keep him as godfather , as he is actually your husbands best friend. I would be honest too and say the reason for it is because their relationship isnt secure enough for you to be sure they would both always be in your dd's life, as a godparent should be.

Also, if they do stay together forever, and they continue to have periods when they dont talk for a week, what happens on dd's bdays and things? Will they just not bother to turn up because that week they happen to be ignoring each other? They do not sound like they could put things aside for your dd, so wouldnt make great gp's.

I deliberately chose my sister and bil for my dd as I thought she would always be in her life cos shes my sis, and they had been married for 25 years so thay werent likely to split up. How wrong I was , a year later they seperated. However, as they were together for so long and hes known me since he was 3 hes like a brother to me, so he will always be there. But you just never know. I just really didnt want to pick people who wouldnt stick araound. And it doesnt really sound like your friends will.

Good luck, and let us know what you decide.

hi all, sorry I haven't replied till now but mn was giving me probs yesterday and I get getting some error...

Well only the bloke turned up yesterday to dd's party and she text me moments before he arrived to say he was on way but without her.Sent her apologies. It took me till last night to reply to her, just saying it's a shame she missed out...
By the sounds of things it's a slim chance they will stay together so I think it may make my decision easier. I hate confrontation so don't have the "balls" to take the priviledge from her so like auntymandy says I may not be put in that position if she goes her own way iykwim.

I suppose it's big think choosing gp's and ither way you are faced with a set who may not take the role on as you expect them to...friends OR family. Shame really.....I am not a v religious or regular church attending citizen BUT I do try and do my best. I would like to think that dh & I will always be around for our gs for as long as he needs us..

I will update you all asap. xx

godparents are a tricky one. i avoided all hassle and plumped for who i felt would give my son the best spiritual guidance, ie my parents saved a lot of hassle and it was a good excuse to use to let me best mate down gently who was dying to be godmother, i love her dearly but our friendship is erratic.

got to say, my ds's godparents are aunty's ,uncles, and a grandfather just because we can guarantee that they wil always be around.