Would a man really take on 3 children?

[ChillinMarvin]

That's it really. I have 3 young children. Feeling like I will be lonely forever and I'm feeling slightly depressed that come 8pm I will be alone every single night...for the rest of my life!

I have 4 children, I think I will be single forever. I'm only 30 and can't see myself being with anyone again.

Yes. My mum met someone who took on her 5 children aging 18 - 7. She then went on to have two more

I had a stepfather who took on 3 dc when he got together with my mum. (Sadly, he was a better stepdad than a partner, but it wasn't the kids that split them up.)

My db married a woman with two dc by two different fathers. They have been together the best part of two decades and are a very happy family

Good luck to you.

I met my dp at work. I have 3 ds' and he has one of each that live with him. I didn't see it as he 'taking us on' more embracing each others happy established family units. We took it really slowly (a year before they all met) and we regularly spend time/ holidays together and are in the throws of a super extension which will mean we can effectively be together....

The one thing I will say about him is my eldest ds (who some of you may remember was in a psych hospital for nearly two years) had my partners complete support and dp never missed a trip to see him (a six hour round trip). He never complained or made me feel the children shouldn't come first.

His biological father didn't visit once.

I love dp in a way I never thought was possible. We all adore him :)

chillinmarvin please don't feel that you'll be on your own forever because you have 3 young children, I know lots of people who have met new people to share their life with where either one or both of them have them. I think its quite common. Please don't meet anyone unless they are absolutely right for you. You shouldn't feel grateful that someone 'takes children on' (not saying you are but ykwim).

really don't think of it in terms of 'will a man take on 3 children', any decent man that you meet will should like you for you and understand your children are part of that package if you get that far down the road. My brother met his wife when she had 2 under 5 and they're still very happy together, her children from first marriage are now in their late teens/early twenties.

however, hate to say this as I have a negative experience of being a child whose mother thought a man was doing her a favour 'by taking on children' but it really wasn't. my mum got married again (3 children including me the eldest) when I was 10 and she always in his defence said how good it was that he "took on 3 children". he was horribly manipulative and abusive. now I'm older, I wish to god she hadn't met the fucker as both she and us children would have had far better lives without him. sadly my poor mum still thinks he did her a favour by 'taking us on'.

my DP did. Three boys aged 12, 8 and 5 when we met. He also has two children, allbeit now older and not living at home....He loves them and they love him too....

I knew someone who married a woman with 4. He was young, good looking, good job etc. He loved her . She was lovely too. They both got lucky.

Would someone get into a relationship with a parent of two children with SN? That's me.

Also agree with luckypeach. I really dislike the term "took on" with regards to children. I even started a thread about it.

Anyone who gets to be with us is lucky we let him .

Yes, there are guys out there for whom this wouldn't be an issue and there are plenty of stories on here to back this up.

A note, though - sometimes on this types of threads you get comments that if a guy doesn't want to be with someone who already has 2, 3 or 4 kids, they aren't "decent". That's not true and unhelpful. Not everyone is cut out to be a stepparent or have had bad experiences when dating people with large families. Doesn't make them a shitty person. Honesty early on is the best way, I think.

My early 30s sister had three children then ranging ages 5-15.

She left her abusive partner and after a year or so met someone through friends of friends, and they now live together.
He also has two children under 10 from his marriage, he's a few years younger than my sister I believe, so they've become a proper blended family with his children staying every other weekend.

I am going to be 45 this year and have also found someone recently. My children were about 3 and 5 when we met.
He had been in a LTR with a woman who had very early teens when they met.

So yes, it happens :)

In my experience it is easier for someone to "slot into" a bigger family than it is where one parent has only one child, as often the one to one relationship is a lot closer and the child can resent what it sees as an "intrusion" when a new partner appears on the scene. It can be especially difficult the older that one child is.

My step dad did..

My friends boyfriend did

Another friend happily remarried she has 2..

short answer YES..

oldwomaninashoe I would absolutely agree with your thoughts on an 'only' child scenario.

My cousin and her DH split up when their only child was 3, but remained on reasonably civil terms for the sake of their DD.

Cousin met someone else about 5 years later - and DD could not handle it at all. She was used to having all her mother's attention and the pair of them being a tight little duo. DD was really jealous and difficult and awkward, so my cousin decided not to continue dating.

She tried dating a couple of times when DD was early/mid teens - only to get the same reaction. She and DD were really close - just the two of them in the house and DD resented my cousin having any life/friends of her own. She was foul on the couple of occasions her mother arranged to meet someone for dinner and threw a massive strop. Again my cousin gave up. She has spent her life simply being a working mum with no other needs but DD.

Cousin is now 54 and DD has finally got engaged to her own bf and they are buying a place together - but my cousin has resigned herself to the fact that she will be single for life. When I mentioned (tentatively) to DD that 'perhaps your mum might meet someone still' DD was really dismissive and said, 'Oh she's far too old! Who'd want to be with her? Besides - I don't want a 'stepdad' at my age!' and I felt really irritated at how selfish she still is about sharing her mother with anyone.

Admittedly my cousin has spoilt her somewhat - but I feel sad that she put her child first all those years (as you do) but is still not allowed to be a woman with feelings and needs of her own, rather than just DD's 'mother'.

So this afternoon i wrote a message but its not there! Anyway was saying thanks for all the replies and I've really changed my out look on a man taking me and the kids on..

Its true I have a lot to offer, and my 3 are bonuses- so we can take him on lol. But seriously I realise that I'm always putting myself down wondering this- but it should be both ways- I should feel lucky I have him and he should be lucky to have me .

Ok I'm going to get out there and be sociable (on my weekly shopping trips).