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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Playdate etiquette with unknown schoolfriends

28 replies

TigerMoth1 · 24/01/2002 16:50

Can any of you help me here?

To help my 7 year old settle in his new school, I would like to invite some of his friends round for tea - just one at a time, for a couple of hours at the weekend every now and again.

My problem is this: I am unsure of the etiquette. I do not know the children or the parents, and it will take months before I am likely to, as I only drop my son off at school once a week at 8.30, and then have to rush off to work. I am trying to be actively involved in school life and the PTA etc but without regular daily contact, I realise it's going to take time for my face to be familiar.

In the meantime, my son is making friends, and the headmaster himself has suggested it would be nice if I help further those friendships for my son's sake.

But what to do? If my son was invited to visit virtual strangers, I might be a little concerned. I might want to be at least on nodding terms with his hosts before letting him visit alone. So if I start issueing invites, via a note to the parents, will I get lots of polite no's?

Also, I have no idea who my son's friends are. They may come from very stict families, or perhaps don't play that well with my son, even though he wants to join their gang. I would feel slightly nervous about taking an unknown out, say, to a film, especially as I would also have my two year old son to look after. I know, looking at my son's present friends, that two 7-year old boys together can be a bit of a handful.

I have never encountered this situation before, since my son has a good number of out-of-school friends - the offspring of our own friends, as well as the local friends he has made when he plays out.

I am happy to make the first move, and my concerns might be unfounded, but any tips on etiquette would be appreciated.

OP posts:
Marina · 21/02/2002 12:58

That is really good to hear, fms, you managed to resolve the issue.

SueW · 21/02/2002 13:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

Tigermoth · 21/02/2002 15:40

Glad all went well for you, Fms. I bet there's much rejoicing in the other family as well. If this is the first time the mother has let someone else look after her little boy, she must be so relieved it all went OK. It opens up a whole new world of freedom for her.

Just hope you won't be posting here later on about a friend who keeps taking advantage of your child sitting hospitality....

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