I've namechanged for this.
I feel quite unhappy in my marriage at times, we seem to have very good times and then very bad times, and I don't know if there is emotional abuse there or not. My first marriage (from which I have one DC, then my current DH and I have 2 children) broke up as my ex was very abusive, but this was more obvious. Been with DH for about 10 years, married 5.
If I list a few things my DH has done I wondered if some of you might be able to tell me if you think there is emotional abuse or if it's just me (as DH says it is)
He makes mess all the time but then moans at me if the house is messy. He leaves stuff everywhere. Ranging from paperwork, to shoes, to crisp packets, to wet towels. It's got where I've started to give up on the house a bit as it's just full of his junk everywhere, and he moans at me all the time about it and says I'm lazy. He will occasionally (by that I mean once a fortnight or so) unload the dishwasher or put a few bits in the washing machine but that's it.
He seems to put himself first all the time, and never the kids and I. He seems to see the children as my job and if he does anything with them it's a big favour for me, yet he never does things properly with them. For example yesterday I had a bit of a lie in, and when I got up he had taken the children out for an hour, but the younger two had had no breakfast, hair was unbrushed, teeth uncleaned, and the house was a total state. He'd had lie ins on Saturday and Sunday and during that time I'd carried on as normal and he'd got up to clean, dressed children, and a tidy house. Then yesterday he had the view that he'd "done his bit" once he brought them home and I feel like I effectively pay for any time off I have by having to do all the jobs. He also regulary (twice a day at least) just disappears off to the loo for between 45 minute and an hour. He won't go in the downstairs loo and uses the upstairs one, so I can't get in to bath the kids, and he always chooses to do this either in the morning when we are getting ready, or at the kids bathtime.
He gets really moody with me if I'm ill or if the children are ill, and won't play any part in looking after any of us. I had a virus a couple of months ago and was in bed but he wouldn't watch the children or do anything for me at all, not even bring me a cup of tea or a glass of water. He says it's not fair that he should have to be inconvenienced if any of us are ill as it's not his fault we've caught something.
He thinks he knows everything, thinks he is always right, I am wrong, and he has an opinion on everything I do. Whatever I do, he homes in on anything negative he can find and starts saying "What you want to do is X" and starts giving me advice, whether it's on my cooking, cleaning, or anything else I do. He is very vocal about his opinions and goes on and on and on. At the weekend I was doing a fitness DVD that I do each morning and he came in and started criticising my technique, and saying "What you want to do is get heavier weights"and just pulling apart it all. If one of the kids or I are ill he is always adamant he knows the cause and will say 'It's because you haven't had enough sleep, you're not ill' and will go on and on about it. He literally has an opinion on everything and I'm expected to take it on board. He has mentioned before that I need to learn to accept constructive criticisim. Whilst I am of the school of thought that there are times and places not to give an opinion and I don't want his constructive criticism all the time.
There are loads of other things too but these are just some of the things that are making me resentful.