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Is this acceptable behaviour or am i just not cool enough:(

110 replies

Purplepeach · 06/05/2013 07:47

My partner of four years and i have been happy for most of that time. He's the love of my life and ive worked at things with him more than i did in my previous relationship. We have had a difficult time this last twelve months unemployment financial difficulties few opportunities or funds for social life and very little family support from either side.
I am a person who likes to sort things out talk so as to make things better he is a person who needs space and distance in which to sort things out. Its hard to adapt to but i try. Not always easy though.
Trouble is over the last 9 months he has left the house a few times its always been his way but hes used to come back after visiting his brother or walking around for a while. Now he goes to his ex partners house to see his son. I have no problem with that he loves his son i would never stand in the way of his relationship with him.
However his ex partner who goes through phases of letting her son stay at our house or saying my partner must see his son at her house so i understand why he goes there.
Would anyone else be happy though if their partner stayed overnight (in their sons double bed) and occassionally had drinks with their ex partner while there?
I trust he hasnt cheated but its the intimacy of the drinking laughing the communication they will have. Its very obvious to me he respects her alot, he makes effort to be chatty and upbeat,I sound like im so insecure but they have a history a son, and not long after our first year together he text her and asked if there was a chance for them. He told me i told him he owes it to himself to try if he feels theres unfinished business. I want him to be happy im not so selfish that id want him to be with me if he wasnt happy. She didnt give him an answer just demanded he grew a pair and did right by her and her son No i love you, please come home nothing. This went on for months but he stayed with me. Then one day she asked him he said no he loved me. I truely believe he does love me. He doesnt really have many other places to go nor do i.
Ive asked that when he goes to her house that once his son is asleep he comes home to me as once hes asleep why would he want to be there ?
He agrees for a while then starts to stay over again.his ex has told me she doesnt love him but loves him as her sons dad and has admitted she likes the company now and again. He went friday after a row( it was me who was at fault ) but none the less i appologised it was sincere. Hes still there. Has been since friday afternoon. Hardly any communication. He's done it so many times this last few months even rings her and holds up the phone when we have disagreements. Its not that hes there so much as the no communication from him when he knows how upset it makes me. When he doesnt communicate i have to admit it infuriates me and although i dont show that in my communications to him i do text him quite a lot purely to evoke a response and only when hes there for nights at a time.
He says im paranoid but he does continuously go there and i am ignored when that happens. He says i need to cool about it. Im too controlling.?. I dont think that. i think she is the controlling one making him have to see his son at her house. Also i wouldnt sleep over or have drinks with my ex A because i wouldnt to but mainly out of respect for my partner and his feelings. Am i wrong in my opinion should i chill out? Please advise thanks. I havent posted anything like this before im Not even sure i should have feel a bit niave but want to respect his needs and those of his son, want to show trust in these actions but not be taken for a fool if you get my drift. Thanks everyone.

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Shinigami · 06/05/2013 13:36

It's not strange that you want to talk to him before you end it. In fact it's perfectly natural. Do you think you just want answers from him?

You're doing so well. You've seen him for what he is and realized what you need to do. I think the next thing is dealing the with the "why?". The frustrating thing is, even he probably doesn't know why he does the shit he does.