My brother is a mummy's boy and complete loser

[CelticPixie]

I've talked in here a bit about my brother before. How he is almost 30, but despite having a really good job still lives at home with my parents. He treats the house like a hotel and my mum like a personal maid/servant whatever you want to call it.

He cannot do anything for himself she does all his washing, makes and changes his bedding and makes doctors and dentist appointment for him. When he had a bump in his almost brand new sports car she phoned the insurance company for him etc. He can't even put his dishes in the bloody dishwasher himself, she does that for him as well! When people ask why he still lives at home he says he can't afford it but in reality he just has it too good. His bedroom is like a luxury penthouse with large plasma screen TV, his own broadband Internet, X Box, Wiii and every other mod con going. He wears designer clothes and he and his girlfriend eat out most evenings, they are always going on weekend away and on holiday.

You cannot say anything remotely negative about my brother to my mum because she jumps down your throat and accuses you of picking on him. My dad sees my brother as a bit if a loser, but he knows better than to speak up and say anything about it.

So that's the background. One day last year my brother went out and bought a puppy without my parents permission. They had always maintained they didn't want a dog, but he ensured them he'd walk it himself etc. Which he did for a few weeks until the dog got too big and started chewing everything in sight. You can probably guess what happened next. He now rarely bothers with the dog and its my dad who walks him.

The best part is when my parents go away on holiday they, or rather my mum, now expects me to go to the house and let it him out, feed him etc because they know my brother won't do it. I don't mind doing this as I am an animal lover and have a dog of my own, but it pisses me off. Last night I went around to let him out for a wee and the dog had chewed up a dining room chair because he was probably bored and felt ignored. No sign of my brother. The house was deserted. He finally came back and I pointed out that you can't leave a dog on its own for ours on end because its cruel. He went on to whinge about how the dog "barks all the time" and "chews everything" and I pointed out that's because its what dogs do, and he's probably bored and needs some attention.

My brother is completely immature, spoiled and irresponsible. Its not his fault it's my mums for making him that way. I just really need to vent about it, I know if I say what I really think ill just get a mouthful of abuse off him.

Arghhhhh!!

I fully understand your frustration but I think you are going to have to have it out with your Mum. Point out to her that it is utterly ridiculous that you are expected to look after his dog when they are on holiday. Tell her to get a dog walker or sitter next time because their darling son will neglect the dog.

I hate the word enabling, because really why should you have to deal with any of this nonsense, but until you really stand up and rant and shout (maybe have a quiet word with your dad beforehand?) then you have no chance of getting any of them to see the light.

Are you sure you aren't describing my BIL? Right down to the car insurance claim? (except he "took over MIL's car as his own and she continued to sort out the insurance for him). This is what happened to him:

At 32 and still living at home, they gave him a large deposit for a flat and sorted out a mortgage for him - all he had to do was sign on the dotted line. They even ferried him to solicitor's appointments. They claimed it was an "investment". MIL also bought all his furniture, etc for the flat. Once he'd been there 6 months, he got a girlfriend and pretty soon they moved in together.

Girlfriend is much the same as him - can't do anything for herself. She soon announced flat was too small and she wanted a house. Flat was sold for a big profit and they had a very large deposit to put down for a 4 bedroom house, costing £400,000, and pay for it to be decorated, and both buy new cars at the same time.

They got married, produced DCs. Latest news is that they are going to build a new build house PIL's garden, but live in PIL's house while its being built. No money will change hands.

He is literally the blue-eyed boy.

My parents are similar, they've ruined my brother. When he was living away from home my mother used to go pick him up, whatever the hour whenever he had a problem (on one occasion he was scared because the neighbours were arguing). He moved back in with them and was encouraged to give up his job because they were making him 'work too hard' and he was 'tired', the parents fund him. They drive him everywhere (he can't learn because he might crash), sort out any paperwork, make doctor appointments, cook, clean etc... he's regressed so much in the last few years and he was already very immature to begin with. Emotionally he's like a ten year old.

When they go on holiday, they'll find someone to stay at the house with him, either sibling or one of his friends (astonishingly he has loads). They do the asking. He's 28, 6"4 and a rugby player btw!

There's nothing you can do about their babying of him, nothing will make them understand the harm they are doing. What you can do is refuse to enable their behaviour. Don't mind the dog, just say no. That will force them to either put the dog into the kennels or start insisting your brother take responsibility while he is living at home.

your parents get a babysitter for your 28 year old brother?

HazleNutt - I can believe it! My twin brothers (19) have never traveled anywhere without my parents (much to my father's exasperation), my mother won't leave them at home for more than 2h without someone there (they need looking after...as a result of never being taught how to look after themselves) and they have been taught that it's a females job to wait on them completely - I despair!

Other than stand your ground, there is nothing you can do OP, you're his sister not his PA.

It's shocking, isn't it? They worry he'll get lonely or scared and I suppose they don't want a panicked call at three in the morning telling them he heard a noise because he is idiotic enough to do that and they would feel the need to come home, they are dependent on his dependence of them so indulge every whim.

at so many indulged manchildren. They are being done a disservice by these parents, who won't be around forever.

thezebrawearspurple I am really staggered at your brother, and surprised your parents allow him to play rugby - surely it would be too dangerous for him given that having a job and driving a car are considered too much?

Ffs. Grow up yourself.

Call the RSPCA next time. Report your brother. Get the dog impounded. Have nothing to do with your brother.
This really isn't your problem.

Attila, your post struck a chord with me. My mum does have female acquaintances but not "friends". I've always felt that she doesn't like other women very much. She's very judgemental and bitchy about other women in a way that she's not with men. She loves male attention and is a very big flirt. Something I've also noticed is her tendency to criticise my appearance. She's forever slagging off my clothes and hair and saying stuff I wear is too tight or too small or too revealing whilst herself wearing something that's not age appropriate or flattering to say the very least. I'd never slate her fashion choices because I think people should wear what they like, but I've often felt that she's jealous of me a bit.

I get on much better with my dad. He's henpecked by mum and has been for over 30 years but recently I've noticed him standing up to her a bit more. I feel I can talk to my dad on the same level adult to adult, but my mum still sees me as a kid who she can talk down to and attempts to boss me about.

And interestingly I've always got the impression her childhood wasn't great without knowing too much about it.

at what its like for the poor dog. Its a living breathing creature with feelings not a piece of furniture.

OP your db is guilty of animal cruelty. Neglect does come under that category.

Just to let you know there is very, very little the RSPCA can or will do. They will attend, find a dog in (I assume) good body condition, with dog food in the house, house (again I assume) reasonable clean, tidy not full of dog faeces. Not walking a dog for a week or so is not an offence. It really isn't animal cruelty and there is no way they would be able to 'impound' the dog.

I'm not saying it's not wrong because it's obviously ridiculous and totally unfair on the dog that your brother is a lazy arse and you have to go over but it's really an issue between him, you and your folks.

The RSPCA would do nothing. As long as a dog has food shelter and water they will not remove the dog. I know this because we've had an issue with a neighbour locking their dog in a shed all day barking itself hoarse. Another neighbour reported them but apparently there is nothing the RSPCA will do about it because the dog has all that it needs apparently( I still think its bloody cruel to lock a dog in a shed all day, but that's another story).