Why can't three girls/women be friends ?? LONG !

[crystaltips]

They say that threes never work .... Gawd ! They are right in my book!

I had a friend ( FRIEND A ) who is neurotic and very high maintenance.... and eventually I decided to pull back as she was making my life more complicated than I could cope with. I felt that although I just went "cold turkey" that it was the best thing I could have done.... and for a while things were fine for me ...

Then FRIEND B came along ... moved into the area and was a real laugh and very easy company. Only trouble being that she was Friend A's "Best friend". I thought that I could handle it and manage the situation ... but it's turning out that I can't.
B still wants to meet me for coffee and lunch every so often - but now every converstaion turns to A ( and if I am being honest B is being rather bitchy - but revelling that she "has us both" ....)

Are you following this - I'm confused my self .....
I have decided to pull back from B too as I have problems of my own and dont reall want any more hassle - but B seems to have gotten her teeth into me -
I want to get out - but am a bit of a coward and don't know how to say all this nicely ...
HELP !!!!

not got any decent advice for this one - i'm a terrible coward and would probably just avoid both friends A and B, not return phone calls etc until they gave up.

Pathetic eh?!

I'm sure other wiser mumsnetters will have lots of great advice tho

Well, if friend B really was a good laugh, I'd probably thoroughly enjoy a good gossip about neurotic Friend A. But then I've just had a glass of wine, am exhilarated by snow and finishing a tricky feature and am being frighteningly honest. I am a BAD woman.

lol aloha, i secretly thought the same but didn't like to say

but seriously ...

i think the reason i would take the cowardly approach is that once i had a similar situation, and decided to write a very carefully worded but honest letter to the friend in question. I took hours over this letter, being careful to avoid anything that could be construed as a personal attack, wording it in terms of my own feelings etc etc. I hoped that the letter would have a positive effect and save the friendship. Unfortunately, the friend was mortally offended and I ended up on the receiving end of a horrible haranguing from not only the friend but members of the friend's family as well!

I was already stressed by this friend's behaviour - like you I had problems of my own at the time and didn't have the will or energy to take the friend's stuff on board on top of everything else. I thought I was doing the right thing by letting the friend know how I was feeling, but it only resulted in giving me even more hassle than I already had!

Of course this is just one personal experience and I'm not suggesting your situation is the same - guess I'm just trying to say that the cowardly approach isn't necessarily wrong if it saves you ending up with more stress than you've already got

good luck X

I'm with spacemonkey, just make yourself unavailable, Crystaltips, and tell B. the truth only if she insists on it.

B repeats everything I say to A

Because I speak to B and not A ...( wait for it ... ) A's husband is out for my blood and wants to tear a strip off me as I am coming between A and B !!

I really can't be bothered with all the cr@p ... but on the other hand ... I DO love a good gossip

And there is my DD ( aged 8 ) having problems at school with her "mean friends" ... I have jokingly told her that this is what life is all about and the only thing that changes is the size of the playground

You're so right, Crystaltips. I just read this thread for the first time and it put me in mind of my dd1 (age 14) whose biggest problem at school is her two friends with whom she gets on but who cannot get on with one another...

they drive her crazy having pointless arguments all day long and trying to enlist her support against the other one.

well look at it this way... at least they both want to be YOUR friend! bask in a warm glow of contentment from that fact at least.
if B tells everything to A then you really can't bitch about A to B. The easiest way to manage it is probably to see both A and B when they organise it, but keep it on a superficial, gossipy easy level. Don't be drawn into A's problems, don't be drawn into B's bitchiness - keep it light, humorous and don't make too much effort with either friendship. B will get bored of you if you don't provide her with the gossip she craves, and A will get bored of you if you don't provide fuel for her selfobsession. And A's idiot husband won't have anything to criticise you for...

Why is it - that these silly playground tiffs - take up all your time though ...

PPh - I think you have hit the nail on the head by saying - dont put too much effort into it !!
Hardly seems worth the hassle ..

This is so good, I call my bf in EDI everyday ( who am I kidding at least 5 times a day) and we always talk about the coos (cows for the english reader) in the field. ie the other mummies and the playground politics.

Life is too short, but don't underestimate how sH* you feel when A or B ignore you, or look and then chat knowlingly. I think we should ignore them all and only be friend with mumsnetters who are ALL fab people! (think I need either drink or drugs!)