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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Leaving DH today- why am I so scared?

61 replies

GroundHogDayAgain · 03/05/2013 08:09

Hi all, I'm finally moving out today with dcs. Leaving dh of 9years. It's been a long time coming I guess. Some of you may recall my thread around a week ago.

I'm absolutely and utterly terrified. Almost like I'm about to jump head first off a cliff.

The last week has been hell, it's not healthy for anyone but why am I feeling like this??

Have others felt like this as they were leaving?? Cold sweats, feeling sick etc??

Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
Original poster
GroundHogDayAgain · 03/05/2013 10:36

Thanks fairy x

I will come back later and let you know how I got on. I've got a million things to do but sat here in my old room frozen. Thinking is this really it. Where did it all go wrong.

OP posts:
musickeepsmesane · 03/05/2013 10:45

Off your butt, c'mon. He has put your stuff in black bags. What does that tell you. He is looking forward to getting married again. He is an arse. You deserve better. You made an uninformed choice when you got together with him. Would you have had kids with him if you knew in advance what he was going to put you through? No, you wouldn't. He fooled you, no shame in that. The feeling I get from you is that he has successfully sucked all the confidence from you. You don't need him, you are a great person in your own right........up and at it....

Fairydogmother · 03/05/2013 10:50

break it down into steps

first step - get up and leave the room
second step - gather things together
third step - load up the car and get in....

etc etc

take it one little bit at a time but you will need to MAKE yourself start

LisaMed · 03/05/2013 11:17

Sending loads of positive vibes - good luck

AND GIVE YOURSELF THE CREDIT! Despite his best efforts you are doing what is best for yourself and your children. All his hard work and constant effort has gone to waste, he is not going to be a happy bunny.

Wishing you all the luck in the world

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 03/05/2013 11:19

Courage.

Just caught up with your other thread.

Please stay safe. I read that you can call 101 to let police know when you are leaving an abuser.

Also, reading your other thread and how he bugged your car, took your keys, etc. I would recommend changing locks and making your new home a safe haven for you and the DCs.

Good luck. ((((Hug))))

ElectricSheep · 03/05/2013 11:24

Sorry just back from shops. I'm in nw too. Have a car and strong arms if you need a hand? PM if you like.

NicknameTaken · 03/05/2013 11:28

No thinking. It's a time when you just have to go on auto-pilot and work through the practical steps. In many ways you've done the hardest bit by making up your mind to go. You're 90% of the way there, so you just have to grit your teeth and keep going, however lousy it feels right now.

Think of it like labour - the bit where you become convinced that you can't do is the bit where you are actually doing it.

newbiefrugalgal · 03/05/2013 11:32

Tell us about your exciting new home OP (if you want a distraction)

myroomisatip · 03/05/2013 11:40

Another one wishing you good luck here :)

I am entering my second week in my new home and honestly, I felt the same as you but I had no choice as we had a house to sell and I had to move out on completion of the sale.

I had the same worries and thoughts, especially as my STBXH has been very helpful (something I cant get my head around but I am glad it is amicable).

You have arrived at this point for probably many reasons, dont look back now. I can only say that I am much happier and I am sure you will be too.

Lweji · 03/05/2013 11:49

I hope you are actively packing. :)

Just to point out about this:
Dh has actually told me that he's looking to get married again pretty much straightaway.

Yeah. Well, according to XH, I was too ugly to find anyone else, whilst he was god's gift to women.
He is still overweight, with hygiene issues, social anxiety problems and no job.
Once I decided to start dating again, I found a nice partner fairly quickly.

I don't think you'll regret it, but I'm sure he will.

BoltingBrenda · 03/05/2013 11:50

Wishing you courage and strength for today.

I'm just a few steps behind you - your story gives me hope.

ArtemisKelda · 03/05/2013 12:17

Groundhog I'm in the NW too if you need anything.

You know that you're doing the right thing. Sending you positive vibes and courage.

Wereonourway · 03/05/2013 15:07

Checking in again to wish you luck again groundhog.

I'm too far away to offer practical help but am sending you my virtual balls and virtual backbone.

My abusive ex still days the same things your ex is now. It's my fault ds is in a split family, not his for being an abusive arsehole.

Stay strong, remind yourself why you are leaving and take it baby steps at a time.

I left 9 months ago and am happier now than ever, despite his attempts to dampen things with his bullying and anxiety causing verbals.

I can see much much clearer now what he was and how he behaved and I've not once regretted leaving. I'm sure you will get there too

Flibbertyjibbet · 03/05/2013 18:47

When it was me in that situation I felt the same. What kept me going was the thought that people split up everyday and today iT's your turn.

AnxiousNurse · 03/05/2013 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ElectricSheep · 03/05/2013 23:33

Are you ok OP? Did you do it? I am picturing you sat in your new house and feeling the freedom Hope I am right Grin

PreciousPuddleduck · 03/05/2013 23:36

Hugs & best of luck. You are very brave.

Original poster
GroundHogDayAgain · 04/05/2013 01:05

Hi guys xx

Bloody Internet not working so using rubbish 3G on phone to post this.

I am here... In my new house....in a new bed.... Eeeeeek

It's very weird. Totally surreal. I've been non stop busy all day and haven't had a moment to think about what I'm actually doing. Even now I think I'm on auto pilot. It just doesn't feel real.

I will post properly tomorrow and fill you in.

I just wanted to say a huge huge huge thanks to the amazing wonderful people who have posted on here sending me luck and genuine support.

Goodnight xx

OP posts:
acceptableinthe80s · 04/05/2013 08:16

Well done op. Today is the first day of the rest of your life as they say.
Have some
Flowers for your new new home.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/05/2013 08:22

Well done. It may be weird and surreal but it must also be very exciting. Looks like it's going to be a nice bank holiday weekend. Perfect timing to start fresh, breathe deeply and smile.

whattodoo · 04/05/2013 08:24

Sending you much health and happiness in your new home.

postmanpatscat · 04/05/2013 08:29

Good for you. I've done what you just did and believe me, it was worth it, I heard all the crap your ex came out with too (he was wrong!)

Good luck, another one here who is happy to hold your hand and cheer you on.

wheredidiputit · 04/05/2013 08:32

Well done.

Now just concentrate on getting your new home and dc settled thats the most important thing every thing else can wait until you are ready.

Lweji · 04/05/2013 08:57

Autopilot is good. :)

All the best in your new free and happier life. :)

ElectricSheep · 04/05/2013 09:08

Oh wonderful!! Flowers

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