Realtionship Woes

[riceandpeas22]

Hi. I need some advice with regards to my current relationship. We met 2.5 years ago through a dating website and I fell pregnant with our daughter within 6 weeks. I feel our realtionship has become stale and we really don't have much in common. There is no support for us as a family and our income is low. My partner is fianancilly supportive of us as a family as he can be and I have been supportive to him. I am now a stay at home mum as child care is too expensive for me to work in my old job. I am quite frustrated with not having identity and my day revolves around cleaning, washing and toddler groups which i must say are becoming increasingly tiresome. I don't feel the connection with my partner anymore and he does not make any effort in which do anything and would rather just sit in front of the TV everynight! I do occassionally see friends including mum friends though i feel my life is very unfullfilled. I have retrained in other occupations, however to start again involve taking low paid positions and i'm back to child care fee costs problems. i feel like leaving my partner though the thought of the benefits system horrorfies me.

You've got several problems running together there. One is that you have very little in common with your partner and feel disconnected. The other is that you are frustrated with life chained to the kitchen sink and feel like you're wasting your life. A third is that you don't have enough money.

The thing to sort out is which is the most important to fix first. e.g. If you had plenty of money would the relationship be better and would you feel more fulfilled? If you had an interesting job outside the home would that improve your relationship? Or do you think the relationship is dead in the water and the other things are just symptomatic?

Personally speaking, if I felt my relationship was going nowhere I'd be getting back into the workplace, even if it meant the family was slightly worse off short-term. Does a lot for your self-esteem to be in the grown-up world again and it's easier to get to independence when you're earning your own money. If you're on low income are you claiming everything you're entitled to now... tax credits etc? www.turn2us.org.uk. If you were to make the split you may find your standard of living doesn't drop as much as you think. Might pay to run a few 'what ifs'.

Good luck