Lie back and think of England

[nosextoday]

This is basically what it's boiled down to.

We have sex about once every two months on average. I can't take hormonal contraception due to the side effects and the copper coil caused me problems too. We've been using condoms but they're awful and I can't relax. I had an accidental pregnancy about a year ago but it ended in miscarriage and we definitely don't want any more children. Dh refuses to have a vasectomy because he's frightened.

When we do have sex I just lie there terrified that the condom comes off which is what happened when I became pregnant. The situation is a total passion killer and I dread having to do it. It's just become a risky, boring chore and I only do it to keep him happy. My sex drive isn't great but the gp refused to discuss it when I did ask her if there was anything that could be done. I asked about sterilisation for me but they just give you the merina coil and I don't want that.

What can I do? I daren't even be affectionate with dh in case he starts to want to have sex so I just keep myself to myself and that's not very good.

Jeezo! Go back to GP & insist that you be sterilised. I was after DC2 at 43 & I became much more relaxed. Or change GPs.

I think you and your DH should go to the GP and talk about a vasectomy. His fear is probably a result of ignorance and, if he gets properly informed, the problem could be solved overnight. Sterilisation is far more invasive

get sterilised, best thing ever, total weight off your mind.

What is your DH frightened of?

I had a vasectomy 3 years ago and it was so simple and easy!

I saw GP he told me to ring GUM clinic who gave me an appt two weeks later at 9am on a friday. It was virtually painless just one slightly stinging injection then it was all over in 15 minutes and I walked home afterwards and was back work on monday thoug could have gone back to work straight away. I had no pain at all though I did have two very purple plums for a fortnight.

I would reccommend it to any one. It takes away any fear and has had no effect on our sexlife at all.

The only problem I had was the surgeon was a lovely man but the nurse assisting him was a stunning blonde, lying with all my wedding tackle on display I would have preferred a big hairy male nurse to laugh at them.

I think you might both go to the GP together and hear the information presented both on a sterilisation for you or a vasectomy for DH. Then you can decide together what to do. It may be that you choose one of you undergoing surgery over the other but at least it will be a joint decision and the other can understand the implications and support which will be required.