The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Whacking The Wine Witch Round The Chops (With Barry The Squid).

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse :)

I'm one of the Brave Babes who's travelling on this wonderful, magical, mysterious Bus, trying to hold onto my sobriety for me, and for my family.

I do drink but thanks to this Bus, I've kicked the vodka addiction into touch and the evil WineWitch has been banished far, far away so I now drink in a controlled manner, One Day At A Time. :)

By that, I mean that just for today, I won't be drinking. Tomorrow, however, I will be because it's a very special occasion. The day after will be dealt with when I wake, and the day after that, the day after etc.....

We're a Bus filled with some fantastic posters, some who drink, some who don't touch a drop ever and some who are on/off drinkers who have lovely warm seats in the side-car, some are hanging onto the roof-rack by the tips of their fingers and trying their best to resist the dreaded WineWitch's charms night after night. But they are trying, and that's all that any of us can do, is keep trying, keep starting again!

So, if you think that you're drinking too much (you probably are) why not come and say hi? We won't bite - unless you ask very nicely, manners cost nothing .

There's lots of seats so pick whichever one you like and have a . Just jump in, we're not a judgemental pack of quiche makers

And here's a bit of light reading for you.... our latest thread and the very first one, the reason we're all here.

PREVIOUS THREAD

FIRST EVER THREAD

[Fairenuff]

Oh yeah, sorry Purple I forgot to warn you that it's very high on the blubbometer. Even dh had a lip wobble when he read it

Ma I don't know who can help your brother. Technically he is free to drink himself into oblivion if that's what he wants . He is the only one who can help by making that commitment to not drink. I'm so sorry though.

Hi Bookie welcome to the bus. Sorry you overdid it last night. Come back for a chat whenever you feel like it.

[PurpleWolfe]

Thanks so much for the recommendation Faire. xxx

[lonnika]

ah thanks Babyjane just realised u were talking to me :). my name begins with a L - So I was busy looking for ion when I realised it was me :))) Doh - you are very kind :)

Thanks to you too Mouse for your kind words - excited that it will be day 6 tomorrow :))) -

[jango36]

Ma def get the crisis team involved. Yes report him to social services as a vulnerable adult. Least then you will know you have done everything you can. X

[Mouseface]

Ma - thank fuck he is alive.

Have a ponder over this - SITE and see what you think but it has gotten to the point where you can no longer do this alone sweetheart. It's killing you, never mind HIM.

He needs day to day care and support. It's Bank Holiday Wknd here, is it there too? I'm so sorry that it has come to this but I agree that an third party needs to get involved and NOW.

You must be livid with him. It has to stop now Ma, it really does. YOU have your own life to live, you can't live his life for him as well. Get him sectioned under the mental health act if you have too, if that is the only way he is going to stay alive, then do it.

I've not told many people this but I tried to kill myself once, cleaned the flat from top to bottom, paid all my debts off, unplugged my phone and switched my mobile off. Took pills and drank two bottles of wine because I was so sick of drinking I didn't know where to turn, who to tell, how to start to stop.

My mother found me after my boss called my father to say I hadn't gone to work. Thank fuck she got to me in time. I crawled to the door, in my underwear, unlocked it after taking the safety chain off and removing the table wedged up against it and let her in. Two minutes later I collapsed and was taken to hospital.

I am not proud of that but I was sick, mentally and physically, tired of drinking to numb my pain. The pain that others caused me, I caused me. Life caused me.

Do what you have to do Ma to make this not be your problem anymore, it's not fair. It's not your fault. Richard is ill, very ill. He needs help that you can't give him anymore. God knows that you have tried darling lady you have tried so fucking hard to save him and stop him from drinking. Getting 'Pished' You can do no more alone, you have to seek others out to pass the burden on to them.

Please, please promise me you will find help for HIM AND YOU! It's not healthy for you. Or fair.

Ma - you know where I am, how to reach me, I can hold your hand as much as you need me too, we all can and we all will.

- HERE

AND HERE

I hope you don't mind me posting that you are in Scotland but I think most people know.

Take care sweets, love to you all xxxxxxx

[venusandmars]

ma so glad that Richard was there, and alive (if not exactly kicking), I can only imagine how your heart was in your mouth when you went in to his flat And yet I totally understand the massive range of other feelings you must be having too - the relief, the bloody anger at him, the compassion, it's a tough cocktail of emotions.

Hope all other babes are safe and well tonight. I am only too well aware that Richard's story could be mine, so tonight I will not be drinking.

[venusandmars]

mouse sending hugs to you, for your honesty and bravery. Sleep well lovely xx

[dementedma]

mouse thank you for the links. I will follow them up but it is bank holiday here too so probably won't be able to get hold off anyone.
I can't stop visualising him in that shitty flat, on his own, its only a street away but could be on another planet. Is he awake now? Does he remember I called round? Will he eat any of the food, or just drink more because he no longer has any hope? Is he angry that I got access, that I saw him like that? Does he understand that I care, that WE care? I hate that he is alone and lonely and full of self hate and despair and wretchedness. ..sniff
I will try some of the organisation s you have all mentioned. Thank you.

[Mouseface]

Ma - for today, you have done as much as you can. I'm so sorry xxx

Off to bed, thank you venus :) xx

[dementedma]

Phoned Breathing Space. They were lovely. Said there are residential places but he needs to be referred by his GP. There will be no-one there on Monday though.

[venusandmars]

ma I understand how you are feeling - I know it is an entirely different context but many of the questions you ask about Richard are the same as we ask about our aged parents: Do they remember I was there? Do they care? Will they care for themselves or ask for help from others? Are they angry with us for interfering in their lives? Do they hate us for putting them into some kind of care / hospital and do they even want to make the effort that is required to recover and live?

At the end of the day all we can do is what we do - and by that I mean that we each do the best we can, and part of doing 'the best we can' includes looking after ourselves and our families (and most importantly ourselves).

ma you are a strong, loving and conscientious sister, but this is not your responsibility and it is not within your control. Your love and attention have held Richard and kept him alive until today and that is fabulous, but his life and hope is his responsibility. He will either take that, or not.

[CriticalBatteryLevel]

Hi, I've decided to n/c to continue posting here if that's ok. I'm admitting to myself now that I need to get in charge of my drinking but I feel a bit wobbly about doing it under my usual name so here goes...
I've always had a bit of an all or nothing approach to alcohol. I can happily not drink for days then when I have one glass, I can't stop. I come from a family of addictive personalities and I'm getting more and more worried about the lack of control I have wrt alcohol. DH drinks very little indeed so it's even more obvious.
I don't know where to start. Do I need AA? Can I do this myself?
Dh's job involves a lot of corporate socializing and I'm finding it harder to manage my alcohol intake in these situations. I don't want to be the drunk wife he has to apologize for. What should I do?

[dementedma]

Welcome critical. You have done a courageous thing accepting and admitting your problem. You will find great help and support on here and no judging.
mouse will be along soon with bacon butties..

[lonnika]

Day 6 peeps :))). Had a lovely lime and lemonade last night - tasted sooooo much nicer than anything alcoholic :))) Loving, loving, loving being sober. No more guilt, worry or anguish about what I am doing to myself!!! I want to grow old and have a good life. Only briefly on Friday when I found a bottle of red wine at the back of the cupboard did I haveamoment of thinking 'just one would be lovely '

However, I played the film though to the end - and reminded myself just how great I felt being sober - and how waking up had been great without feelings of guilt.

Welcome critical - my advice would be to give up completely - I have tried moderation, cutting down etc but found it took stressful. - anyway I no longer want to put poison in my body ---- good luck to you - read all the threads as well I have found them touching, helpful, inspirational and at times the wake up call I needed.

Today I WILL NOT BE DRINKING !!!!

See u all later - going out with mil, fil, DH and the kids (note only adult not drinking last night was meeeeeeeee :))!!!!!!!

[greeneyed]

Lonnika what a fab post! :). Oh ma thinking of you - hope you can get him along to his GPs on Tuesday xx

[CriticalBatteryLevel]

Feeling more clear headed now. I think my strategy going forward is to be the nominated driver at these events. I absolutely do not drink and drive so that should help in those situations.
At home or out with friends, I don't know. Does anyone ever succeed in setting themselves a limit?

[CriticalBatteryLevel]

Particular triggers? Definitely when we're going out or entertaining. I'm viewed as a life and soul of the party person who makes everyone happy and laugh. I feel the pressure to live up to that and I don't feel that interesting or funny without the crutch of a drink.

[ohcluttergotme]

Morning Babes. Brilliant post Lonnika.
It is great not poisoning yourself daily & suffering all the time.
Well after 84 days without a drink I'm back to day 1. Went on leaving do & had 3 shandies & that small amount of alcohol woke the wine witch up. Drank quite a few glasses of wine, had a good time & wasn't too late. Suffering today though.
Was pleased that I came home & went to bed by 11pm. That's a change for me as the old me would have stayed out then came home & drank some more.
Really not worth feeling rough though.
Glad you found your db MA. Where I am the psychiatric hospital has an alcohol clinic & would be available Sunday's and bank holidays, don't know if this would be somewhere you could phone today for advice? Also you said his flat is above a pub, that seems a hard place for him to be whilst battling alcoholism, not sure if that could change?
Wishing all babes a good day today x

[lonnika]

Thanks oh clutter and green eyed - 84 days wow - congrats and welcome back to day 1 :)
It is people like you two that have been big inspirations to me :) Many thanks :)

[venusandmars]

clutter well done on 84 days - you can do that all over again, if you want Isn't it interesting how the taste / feeling of a little bit of alcohol stirs up the old sensations and desires. On the occasions when I have had a drink I have found myself more tempted over the next few days too. So my advice is to gird your loins, and re-establish whatever strategies worked well for you at the start of your 84 days (go back and re-read your posts on the thread if that helps too).

critical welcome and well done for posting. I'm another one who was no good at setting a limit. Well that's not accurate I was very good at setting myself a limit, I was just terrible at sticking to it. Didn't matter whether the limit was 2 glasses per day, or 21 units per week, on not drinking before 12noon, or only drinking on alternate days, or only at weekends - I broke them all. Oh there was always a good reason pathetic excuse a reason to reward myself, or console myself, or cheer myself up, or calm myself down...... you get the picture.

In reality i find it much easier not to drink anything at all, than to try and limit what I have. At social events my main tactic is to know beforehand what non-alcoholic drink I'm going to ask for (with a back up choice too) so I know that I'm going to ask for a lime and tonic (not too much lime), or grapefruit and soda. And I always know that I can ask for a sparkling water or a coke if that's all they have. That way I'm not caught on the hop and end up just opting for a wine out of habit.

As for AA? Some love it, some hate it - why don't you try it and see. Don't dismiss anything out of hand, you never know what will work for you, after all, none of the people who go to AA ever started out with that in their life plan as the best place to go of an evening. What does help is having some real-life support, whether that is AA, or another recovery group, or your GP, or alcohol counselling. Drinking can be such a secret addiction that having real-life support and somewhere that you can be honest about your drinking, your struggles, your triumphs, is really valuable.

[dementedma]

Ooh clutter that's interesting to know. I am going down to the flat soon to see what state he's in. Have found a place that is residential but does have some NHS funded places if we can get a referral from the GP. Think that's the only option now - he has done AA and one to one counselling to no avail.

[ohcluttergotme]

Thanks Venus, yep I do want to do it again. Hate feeling hungover today. I thought if I had a couple of shandies then that would be fine but I think I've shown myself that I can't do that & like you I have to have nothing as the teensiest amount of alcohol releases the wine witch & her greedy ways