Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can man stay faithful?!?!

15 replies

mousseschoice · 27/04/2013 14:38

Ok... So long story short, I split with EA DP last August after discovering his affair and we have one DD together.
I finally got it all together and was enjoying life, until I got 'chatting' to a hot single guy who happens to live next door... Hmm
We took our time and began seeing each other, him being keen and really putting effort into dating and getting to know me.
Speed forward to 3 weeks ago when we were on a weekend away in London (all paid for by him and his idea) and I have a Facebook message from his Ex asking if I was seeing him. I told him about it, and we both agreed to ignore it and to block her as he said she'd been trying to cause trouble for him before with a previous relationship.
The week after she messages me again, this time from her daughter's account, saying he's been seeing her, and then she sends me screen shots of texts sent from his phone to her and they were bloody awful and backed up everything she said...
Obviously I told him were to go, and he said he was dissapointed that I never gave him the chance to explain blah blah...So I did and his reply was I don't need to explain because I haven't done anything, there's no going back for us, this is all spoilt things between us. We are obviously not together now, he is still protesting his innocence, but he doesn't want to get back together. This only happened 2 weeks ago, so it is still quite fresh and raw in my mind. The kick in the teeth is that this has all been done via TEXT and the asshole couldn't even pick up the phone to talk to me or walk the 15 feet to my house to knock on the door.
I am still hurting over it, I don't want him back, but I feel like I'm greaving for what I thought we had and I have to deal with the fucker living next door!!! Angry
I'm happy enough by myself, have a great circle of family and friends, and have the next 3 weekends filled with things to do. The questions I am asking is 1. How the hell does someone who put so much effort into you do that, and 2. When will this horrible feeling go away?

OP posts:
LibertineLover · 27/04/2013 14:43

Oh mouses what a twat. I guess some people love the chase? And actually enjoy 'putting in the effort' to a new relationship.
Regardless you've had a bloody lucky escape, thank god he doesn't want to continue, would you though?

It's great you've got plenty of other people in your life, enjoy your singledom, and don't worry about cuntchops round the corner, he really isn't worth it.

Chucksteak · 27/04/2013 15:06

Most of my single parent female friends are SO much happier and healthier living without the hassle of a DP. They have chosen to be single and don't seem to be looking for the next twunt to ruin their lives. No wondering where DP is when he is supposed to be home, no constant checking of FB and mobiles for messages.

It seems my male friends are always looking for the next shag!!( not with me btw!)

Can men stay stay faithful? No! Stay single - be happy.

EllaFitzgerald · 27/04/2013 15:11

You've had two rotten experiences in a row, so it's only natural to feel a bit wobbly. There are so many decent men out there, who are honest and trustworthy and wouldn't dream of hurting their wives and partners.

As Libertine says, you've had a lucky escape. He didn't want to explain because there was nothing he could say. And if his ex still wants to be with him, knowing that he's been lying to her about seeing you, then that's her lookout. Onwards and upwards Mousse. The best revenge you can have is getting on with enjoying your life and not giving him a second thought.

Mondrian · 27/04/2013 15:37

I have (25 yrs & counting) unfortunately consumerism has extended far beyond retail and is showing its ugly head in relationships too. The trick is to see people for who they really are and not what you want them to be. There are lots of decent people out there but you have to put that on top of your list and not wealth, looks, charm etc .... If its too good to be true then it probably is.

As for the effort he put into you, sorry but the effort was not for you, let me explain - I have a friend like that, he treats every new woman in his life like a queen, really spoils them but its not really for their benefit but for his own self confidence, he wants them to see him as the king or the best lover or god's gift to women. Interesting that every woman falls into the same trap and does not understand what he is actually about. Look up Narcissism for more info.

Original poster
mousseschoice · 27/04/2013 16:25

I'm actually fine about 'loosing' him so to speak.

It's the 'You didn't believe me, therefore you have ruined it' bit that I'm struggling to get my head round.

Mondrian - he is 10 years my senior and once proudly boasted that he had never been dumped...Errr now you have!! Wink

I'm nearly 29 and I thought that he could have been someone to begin another life with...BUT I'm happy enough with my self to embrace being single :)

OP posts:
Mondrian · 27/04/2013 16:52

My experience is that being honest is not a natural trait, we all have a tendency to bullshit ourselves and therefore others so don't necessarily expect 100% honesty from the word go but thats not an excuse for deceit and lies.

firesidechat · 27/04/2013 16:55

Can men stay stay faithful? No! Stay single - be happy.

Chucksteak, seriously? I think that, inevitably, we hear about the ones that aren't faithful and it can distort our views a bit. The couples who are quietly getting on with their relationship and being faithful to each other are rarely heard from. I've been married for almost 30 years and my husband has been faithful, so of course it's possible. I don't think we are that unusual either.

OP, please don't right all men off just yet.

MrsWolowitz · 27/04/2013 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlnwickRose · 27/04/2013 17:10

I think men can stay faithful.

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo · 27/04/2013 17:14

of course men can stay faithful! just as women can. some men and some women choose to cheat. others dont. it's not a gender thing. it's an asshole thing.

LibertineLover · 27/04/2013 17:17

Another one here with a faithful partner of 12 years. of course it's possible,there's twats and then there's decent men, just like women Shock

meddie · 27/04/2013 17:18

You had a lucky escape,
The comment that you had spoiled it and there was no going back is a huge big red flag if ever I saw one and so early in a relatiosnhip too.
He fucked up and now hes trying to put the blame on you. Just classic.
You should be relieved that he outed himself as a wanker so early on and you hadn't spent months with him and therefore felt some sort of obligation to try and salvage your relationship and all the shite that comes with that.
You didn't ruin it he did....doesnt matter how he wants to twist it to make himself feel better.

Mosman · 27/04/2013 17:22

I have met so many nice guys online, chatted to them and all they want is to met a nice girl and settle down, it seems wholey unfair that again and again the bastards seem to be the ones that are successful with women and truly wish I knew why.
Obviously I can't answer that for myself never mind you but what's your expectation from a relationship ?

ChunkyPickle · 27/04/2013 17:34

Of course they can, just not the bad ones, and you've found a couple in a row. Chalk it up to experience, sit back, and see what comes your way.

Worked for me.

skaboy · 27/04/2013 17:49

Ummm....I'm a guy who's stayed faithful for 15 years, to my ex who split us up with her affair. I also did 90% of the childcare, domestic tasks and worked full time.

Its not all guys. Its just certain people. Life's better spent around nice / positive people I reckon

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread