Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My best mate is really pissing me off !!!

22 replies

Crystaltips · 16/05/2006 19:06

FOr as long as I can remember she gloats about her children - and it's beginning to reall bug me ....

I don't want to upset her - but I am very tired of hearing about her brood :

  • Their sporting prowess knows no bounds - aged 9 and in the Under 11's
  • My kids has a grazed knee - her's end up in casualty
  • My kids got an excellent sticker - hers are in the top 5% of the class

Whatever I say - she tops it ...

I feel that I am withdrawing - as I cannot be bothered to compete. I feel that she only lives her life through her children.

Thankfully I am not the only person who has noticed Wink

OP posts:
golds · 16/05/2006 19:28

People like that get right up my nose, an old friend of mine was like that too, Ive stopped phoning her, can't be bothered.

SSSandy · 16/05/2006 19:31

I had a friend like that but ended the relationship when she started doing it in front of my child in dd's hearing.

Original poster
Crystaltips · 16/05/2006 19:38

It's DD's birthday today and she rang to tell me about her DS's triumphs on the rugby pitch!

( Bite my tongue )

OP posts:
sugarfree · 16/05/2006 19:45

ah yes,Black Panther syndrome!*
Bloody awful,no helpful suggestions just remember that pride comes before a fall and she won't be shouting quite so loudly when one is in prison and the other is on a reality tv programme!Wink

*Puma Syndrome
"We just bought a black cat"
"Oh,really?We've had a black panther for ages"

sugarfree · 16/05/2006 19:45

Pumas,panthers,whatever!! You get the picture!

maltesers · 16/05/2006 22:19

Peolple like that are insecure . sad sad.!

mykidsmum · 16/05/2006 22:21

Distance yourself a bit then it doesn't tend to be so annoying.I do sympathise been there and all that, I've finally put it down to part of being a parent!

Moomin · 16/05/2006 22:24

it's usually a sign of insecurity ironically enough. ask yourself if the friendship is worth saving; if this is just one aspect to be put up with or if it's overshadowing the rest of your relationship.

JanH · 16/05/2006 22:26

Oh yes, I had one like this - whatever mine had done, bad or good, hers had done worse or better.

Also she had 4 kids and when I "only" had 3 she would always say ah, well, 3 is a doddle, if you had 4 you would find it impossible.

Then I had a 4th (not at all impossible) and she finally stopped whingeing Grin

Thomcat · 16/05/2006 22:31

Hmmm, understandable annoying but tbh, she can't really be that much of a best mate if you can't just turn round to her and say 'ohhhh don't tell me, yours two can do it better, blimey mate can i not just have one moment of glory on my own? Love you like a sister and all that but jeez louise, you gotta take a bit of a chill pill here', or words to that effect! Or perhaps you could try and just accept that you love her flaws and all, this being her flaw. All respect but i think it might be a case of get over it or get a new best freind. DXepends on how much you value her friendship and whether you can see past her 1 (??) annoying trait.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/05/2006 22:33
Shock

Janh! Did you really have a fourth just to shut her up???? Wow, oneupmanship can be really competitive.....Grin

Wink
JanH · 16/05/2006 22:38

Yep, VVVQV, that is the only reason I had a 4th (and it was so worthwhile!) Grin

(Pls don't tell him that though!)

notasheep · 16/05/2006 22:40

wouldnt be a friend to me

VeniVidiVickiQV · 16/05/2006 22:42

Grin Janh

wannaBe1974 · 17/05/2006 07:31

definitely think it's an insecurity thing. I have a "friend" who is very similar, but she was adopted and had a difficult childhood and imo she does it to prove that her dd is more unique than any other, e.g. she told me that

(whe her dd refused to sleep) "we've been told that she's unique, even the pediatricians and hv's say that there's no point trying to get her to sleep, because she just cant".

When she started talking at around 18 months, within a couple of weeks "everyone says she has the speech of a 4 year old,, she's so advanced!" (she had the speech of an 18 month old just like any other 18 month old).

and the ultimate was "she's so advanced, that she's been offered a place in school a year ahead of everyone else, she'll be 3 when she starts school!". (needless to say she's now 4 and doesn't start school till September). I just smile and nod and try not to comment, although when she told me that her Sil's dd must be "backward" because she didn't walk till 18 months whereas friend's dd walked at 10 months, I did feel the need to comment and tell her that all kids are different.

Original poster
Crystaltips · 17/05/2006 08:00

Thanks guys ... I think the insecurity thing is on the button ....

Shall now approach this with more compassion.

I would love to use the "Jeez take a chill pill" approach - but I really couldn't cope woth the fall-out. Sometimes things are best left unsaid ...

Thanks a mill xx

OP posts:
tigermoth · 17/05/2006 08:10

janh :) whatever you do, don't tell your friend about mumsnet - all those threads she'd have to top. It would be a full time job.

I think, if you want to keep this friendship, the best thing to do is never say anything about your child's progress - failures or successes.

I have a friend a little like this. Her son is the same age as my oldest. I realised we were beginning to have these 'top you' conversations and getting tense about it. I decided to carefully edit what I said about my son. I know my friend twigged what I was doing, as she made a point of asking how my son was doing in school, what was he reading, how did he find the SATS exams etc etc - I used to give brief answers to meet her polite questions with a polite response, but then I'd quickly change the subject till she got the message.

SSSandy · 17/05/2006 09:29

Could you bypass the issue by saying something like: "the great thing about being with you is that we DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE KIDS?! Other mums drive me up the wall with it." - Then consistently do not speak to her about the kids , ever, and block any attempt she makes. You'll have to talk about hubbies then though and I wonder if hers tops yours in everything too?

ChaCha · 17/05/2006 13:22

Had a massive confrontation with a v.good friend over something similar last week. I went for it for about 15minutes and got everything off my chest. She listened quietly and ended my rant with 'I shouldn't have been doing that and I'm sorry, didn't realise' and everything is fine now. Can't be doing with competitiveness. We all shine in different ways.

If she is that good a friend she will understand and change her ways for the sake of relationship :)

Original poster
Crystaltips · 17/05/2006 16:42

CHaCha .... I am concerned that if I start I will rant on and on .... when I am on a roll I don't know when to stop ...

But I will certainly use the "we all shine in different ways" line .... I like that.

I just think that if I scratch the surface - I will reveal that, besides her kids, there is not much else going on in her life .... Sad, but true.

I think personally, she's not fulfilled being a SAHM ... whereas I am happy as larry !!

Thanks guys

OP posts:
beckybrastraps · 17/05/2006 16:49

I have a friend like that, and I try to outdo her in reverse, IYKWIM. So my children are bottom of the class, dreadfully behind, appallingly behaved etc. At first she tries the "all children shine in different ways" line, but I insist, no, there's nothing redeemiing. ANd she stops Smile

Of course, my children are magnificent really, so I don't mind her. However, if one of them did actually have problems, I would need to slap her.

Greyhound · 19/05/2006 00:11

I have a 'friend' like that. She's always been high maintenance in that she is prickly and competitive and massively insecure.

She has a way of being bitchy just in her tone of voice and the way she asks questions. I mentioned a possible business idea I might do. I meant that I would do it sometime in the future, but she keeps asking me "have you started _ yet?" and when, yet again, I explain that no, I haven't started yet, she pulls a face or says something slightly mean. :(

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread