DH and I had a conversation last weekend where we pretty much concluded that our marriage has been dead for years and that it probably won't improve.
We left it that we'd go off and think about it - DH works away and is only here every other weekend, so we've not discussed it further. We've talked briefly on the phone since - he is playing his cards very close to his chest. I was honest and told him that I think we've gone as far as we can go, but I want us to still have a decent parenting relationship for DD's sake (she is 6).
I know I can't go on in this relationship - I've tried so hard to make it work, but I keep getting hurt and I just don't think I can do it anymore. It's like a shutter has come down and won't lift again to let any chink of hope in. Financially it's going to be a disaster though. I have MH issues (OCD). I haven't had a proper job since DD was born 6 years ago. I did try having my own business for a couple of years, but lost money on it. DH is on quite a low wage - got made redundant over a year ago, and has recently started a job on the other side of the country not earning much, but good as a stepping stone for a new career. We have a mortgage. I don't know how I'm going to survive - what DD and I are going to do, but I can't stay with him just for that.
The relationship has sucked away a huge amount of my self esteem over the years - it's only now he's hardly here that I seem to be getting myself 'back'. I keep seesawing between grief and elation - but today I'm just scared