PILs .... What have I done ???

[Crystaltips]

I totally and utterly LOATHE my PILs after a catalogue of events that have happened in the past.

They have been totally and utterly bastardly to DH ( and our kids ) and they have done things that I will never forgive them for.

So much so - I have managed to successfully cut them out of my life for the last 5 years.

DH still takes the kids to see them ( once in a while ).

About 3 months ago DH went to visit them and was upset about how old they are getting and he felt that enough time has passed and that we ought to make an effort ( basically as he would never forgive himself if they died and there was still this family rift ..... blah blah blah )

So I relented, and they are coming here for Sunday luch at the end of the month ....

Am I totally mad in the head ..... ???

God, you had some strengh to cut them out of your life for 5 years, I envy you

Seriously, maybe just wait til Sunday and see what happens. My pil are total arses but I bite my toungue. MIL called ds 'odd' cos he cried at her... he was 5 months old. Odd is the word she uses to describe me so I was hurt and offended she said my ds was odd too. She saw him on saturday for the first time since December. The arse

Crystaltips hope it goes ok for you.
is it possible for you to draw a line under the previous arseish incidents? Start afresh? five years is a long time and people can mellow - you as well as them.

My sister views her FIL (MIL dead) in this way and has kept him out of her and her kids' life for years.
However he is now in intensive care and not expected to pull through and she is very upset and wondering if she has done the right thing after all this time.

Good luck for Sunday lunch

Might put a laxative in their wine

Wine....omg I would avoid that totally with your PIL...!!! Cordial is safer..!

I do hope it goes well, and without knowing the history, I think you're right to support your husband in this. They're his parents, so I guess it's his call.

I do hope all goes well for you.

We fell out with my PIL and didn't speak for about 3yrs they didn't come to our wedding.They didn't see ds1 until he was 18 months.
We only spoke again after MIL had a car accident,but I must say we all get along very well now.

SHHH - It'll have to be wine .... they are both alcoholics

Good for you in supporting your DH on this, Ii'd just make sure you see them on your terms and in situations you are happy with. You can always swear and pound the walls after they are gone

That's what I thought .... or because it's my house - I have somewhere to hide .... and chores to do

Things change, it may be better than you think.

Remember you are doing this for your dh and that is admirable. Good luck.

Having not spoken to them in 5 years .... I have had 4 phone calls in 5 days ... feeling the panic .... she has been pissed in 3 of them .... case of deja-vu ???

Oh Crap !

Hope it goes OK. My fil threw a wobbly at dd's 1st birthday because he made ds cry and I told him it was a bit rude. He stormed off - fortunately mil told him he was an old fool and stayed .... happy days. Then sil turned up 6.5 hours late for the party ie 9.30pm instead of 3pm. I've learnt to stay sober so I'm not rude, and rant at a poor friend the next day. Dh knows what they are like. Try to bite your tongue, and arrange for them to leave early as you are doing something at 6pm.

I had some uber-bad times with my MIL. We got together after a major, major bust up. It was so bad we thought we'd never get over it. The thought of the meet up made me sick to the stomach, angry, nervous - you name it!

But, as awkward as it was, it was soooo worth it. Touch wood, we have had NO rows or unpleasent moments in almost 2 years. She is now very supportive and doesn't undermine me with DS.

I say go for it. You aren't mad at all. The oposite. The fact that you have cut them out in the past shows that you are strong and wont be pushed around. Give it a chance and kindly, politely and firmly, subtly perhaps - set the boundaries that you want.

Good luck!

crystallips i can 100% see where you are coming from i utterly HATE dp family the way they have treated him,me,us,and most of all ds.
we managed to cut them out our lives for about 2 years but dp was very angry about it when we moved nearly 4 years ago to where we live now i didnt want to as they live 10mins up the road, i hgave them 1 finale chance with us all a year ago and you guessed it caused massive rows and they fucked it up.
dp mom (get this you wont BELEAVE it) workd as a cleaner in................
Mcdonalds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
its just at the end of our road i have now forbid dp to take ds their and i wont go near it dp sees his mom 2 times a week and has a little chat with her but thats it nothing else.

Im pretty sure your PILs will do something to fuck it up and i hope that your dp will see and realise that its not fair on you.
Personly i recomend rat poison for desert!!!!

good luck, think you're really brave having them around to your house.

DP's mum, always manages to piss me off, she's a crap/selfish women, which fortunantley dp does see he just isn't prepared to do anything about it. So it goes on and we have to see her!