Can I just say before I start to complain that I love my mother, she is a wonderful granny, but sometimes she exasperates me beyond all reason.
Today she tells me on the phone that her leg is sore. Says its like this for months. I say "Go to the doctor, its something simple like a strain". Not at all. She tells me its a blocked artery. HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE KNOW THAT? I said maybe the doctor will send you for physio. "No way, I am not going to physio". Right I tell her, put up with the pain so.
Last week she felt as if she had a lump in her throat. Says its like this for months. Repeat the above, I say go to the doctor, she says no "she might hear something she doesn't want to hear". Right, stay at home then.
She complained of chest pain a few weeks ago, went to the doctor who said she was fine but told my sister to drive her into A&E as a precaution just to check her over. She rang me and said she must be bad. I said they would bring you by ambulance if you were bad. She wouldn't believe me but was fine.
I have listened to this since I was a small child. When I was little she told me she was going to die when she was 39. WHY WOULD ANYONE SAY THAT TO A CHILD??? I spent the few years in dread waiting to see if she would die. She is only 62 now for Christs sake, she has years left in her.
Every little pain is analysed and examined and built up into a huge thing. If I broke my neck she would say "YOUR NECK? My neck is broken since 2001 and my head is hanging off by a single sinew".
She has a medical dictionary and my father says every ache and pain she is consulting it. Next time I am in her house I am swiping it.