Are you allowed to be upset when your obviously not the favored offspring?

[MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill]

That really...

Agree with everything Lola says, including the last bit! Sorry about your DDs birthday that's rubbish. My folks lied about volunteering for something last year so they couldn't come to see DS on his birthday - when I found out I was gutted - wish I could just learn to expect less.

Can I point out that sometimes people think their sibling is favoured and it's actually not true. My BIL thinks dh is favoured by mil. It is totally untrue, mil is always fair and loves them equally, it's obvious to me the way she talks about them both.. No idea why BIL thinks otherwise.

greeneyed that made a lump come to my throat. it really did. so so sorry to hear that.

Of course you're allowed to feel bad about it, it's a perfectly natural reaction.

My parents always favoured my sisters over me. Probably many people would have done the same in their place as my sisters were pretty, sweet, engaging and normal. One in particular was exceptionally outgoing and charismatic. I was ugly, charmless, painfully shy and had undiagnosed ADD (and probably ASD).

My parents just didn't like me very much. Most people found me repellent so it's probably just human nature that my mum and dad would have felt the same way to some extent. Being an outsider in the family did hurt a lot though and I've felt worthless and unlovable for my entire life.

What is your situation OP? Is it stuff that's ongoing or from the past?

My DB was the golden child.

It has not done him any favors in life at all.

I have a happier sorry than many here though, as my parents have eventually faced up to their favoritism and have put in a lot of effort to have a proper relationship with me now, as an adult.

My mum was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years ago, and my brothers response and subsequent behaviour was in such stark contrast to my own, the scales were practically forced from their eyes.

The downside to this is that my DB (who I was previously very close to, despite his being not very nice to me a lot of the time) now has very little to do with me. He blames me for 'brainwashing' our parents. I did ask him how he thought I pulled that off, was it tapes, hidden messages........ Because if he had any pointers, world domination would surely only be moments away! Lol

So there is hope, and I am very very grateful to have such a much more healthy relationship with my parents and the subsequent peace it has brought to my life. It has also allowed me to let go of a lot of the pain from my childhood and my sense of self worth definitely improved.

My 'D'M recently said to me ' I know you think I favor your brother but he has just always needed more help'

I count myself the lucky one to be the not favored child. Her over-attention has made my brother a dependent, unable to cope alone 45 yr old.

whereas I pissed off halfway round the world asap and have always been independent and free of all that shit.

I did find out from an aunty that when I was born and in hospital for a week she went home to be with my brother and didn't visit me for the whole week. But apparently my beloved father sat with me every day until I came home. No wonder I was always closer to him.

Sherbert, that is the saddest thing I've ever read. I'm so sorry you've felt that way. I can't imagine how you've coped.

Of course you are allowed to be upset about anything that upsets you. Please ignore ohshutup's extremely unhelpful comment.

It's extremely hurtful to feel that your parents are so much less interested in you than they are in one of your siblings. My brother has always been the golden child and has got away with murder all his life. Mine and my sisters' successes are taken for granted but it feels like he gets a fanfare for putting one foot in front of the other. It actually hasn't done him any favours - he's just about the angriest person I know, is rude, verbally abusive, agressive, entitled and a very unpleasant person to be around.

I agree with other posters who said don't let it 'fester', but that doesn't mean put your hurt feelings away and pretend they don't exist. Keep talking about it, either on here or with people in real life who you know will listen and be supportive. It's perfectly understandable to feel hurt and you need to really feel it in order to make it better