abusive ex says he's told his parents most of what he did to me and the kids

[freemanbatch]

and I have heard nothing from them.

We split back in August and I have never stopped him seeing the kids although it has always been at his parents house with them there. His parents said they didn't want to know why we split so I have never told them even when they were pushing for more access and demanding their 'rights'

Last week he says he told them about the emotional and financial abuse and that he 'assaulted me' but not that he tried to rape me or that he has forced/coerced me into sex for years. He apparently also told them about his short temper with the kids and his controlling behaviour and that access to the kids was dependent on him living with them.

I've heard nothing at all from them I haven't even had a reply to a text I sent after he told me assuring them that I would continue to work in the best interest of the children and as long as I was safe to live my life here I wouldn't be taking the kids back to where all my family is. I am entirely on my own here so its not easy but the kids are settled and that's the important thing.

So mumsnet experts, did he really tell them or is he just trying to pull some weird game again? and if it is a weird game what could possibly be the point?

He is saying he's told them to stop you from telling them the truth. Mine said the same and he'd told them nothing at all.

You could move nearer your family, get more support with the kids. Start afresh, meet some one new.

He won't want that.

He wants ou to think he has come clean and is a better person than he really is.

Either he's lying and he's said nothing or he's told them his version of events and they are so embarrassed/shocked/whatever that they don't feel comfortable being in touch. If he has a track record of abusive behaviour etc 'lying' seems to be consistent.

I think the only way you'd genuinely answer your question is to ask his parents... and when you ask 'what is the point' then that is probably it. Engineering some awkward conversations between them and you so that you end up talking about things that you don't want to raise, making you uncomfortable, keeping him centre of the drama.

I would ignore him and carry on as if nothing had happened.

thanks guys, I knew you lot would help me see the sense through the bull shit

naebother - I don't really want to move back near my parents unless I really have to and the more time moves on the more I realise I'm quite capable of looking after me and mine and I think that's quite a good base to work from when it comes to new people and new relationships I would, however, leave if I had any trouble or felt unsafe around here.

Ohwesternwind - I'm sorry you had a git in your life as well.

Well if you are settled and so are the kids stay put. Cogito is right, its all about him.

Whatever he's told them I seriously doubt it would bear any relation to what you would consider to be the truth.

I would almost be tempted to call his parents, and say i heard ExH, has told you about the violence towards me.

But sinces hes capable of violence, you cant say how he'd react to it.

But i think hes not said a word.

I thought about that loulybelle but I'm not sure I can be bothered with it all. If he has told them and they don't feel the need to say anything to me or even check how the kids have been with it all then really they were never my family and they aren't worth my concern and if he hasn't told them then I have no idea what his reaction would be and its probably not worth the risk.

I have always hated the unknown though and he knows that so is probably just playing with me!!

If he has told them some stuff, or if they got your text out of context they could still be processing what is new info for them and not really know what to say.