I am wondering whether I am making something out of nothing or whether I am being silly not to act on this
I am 33 weeks pregnant. Other than conception, my partner has been away during this pregnancy (military). He is now out and got back home a month ago (this was always the plan).
my partner is aggressive - this has been worse since I have been pregnant. Not physically, but emotionally he uses his presence to shout and undermine me and to then make me feel like it is all my fault (I can at least see this and it is his responsibility to control his anger).
He always said this was because of the environment he is in (ie war zone). However, he is back now (for good) and the shouting and domineering is worse than ever.
I am starting to struggle due to my size/tiredness. This is my second child (first together) and I am doing 95% of the chores around the house (I a currently working, he is about to start a new job). After 8 hours of me cleanning on saturday (while he sat on his bum relaxing) I put my back out. However he was amazing- gave me a massage and said that I need to slow down and that he would help. However he didn't help at all and by Monday when he still had done nothing around the house, I said he needs to pull his weight and that he was lazy. Apparently this was completely unacceptable so after going to the pub for 6 hours in the afternoon (on a Monday- He drinks too much) he said:
- he wishes I was not pregnant and does not want the baby (this baby was planned, and followed 2 miscarriages that I had to deal with on my own last year).
- that I make his life miserable and that he has never been so unhappy
- said he is breaking up with me and that he would move out in the morning. I said to him to go there and then but he wouldn't.
- said I was mental and a lunatic
- said i wasn't a good parent and that he was a better parent
- he also said something along the line of 'if you were a bloke I'd like to batter you right now'. I said I felt threatened by this but for some reason in reality I don't
- having sex repulses him and all he is thinking is that he wishes it was over (not how it appears at the time...)
- for some reason he mocked the failure of my marriage to my ex (divorced 5 yrs ago) saying I must have driven him away as I am mental and controlling (ex cheated so I left).
I am pretty confident that he will wake up this morning and realise he is an idiot and was drunk. I am heading off to work soon (not slept..) I would be very Surprised if I come back tonight and he is gone.
The thing is, I am pregnant with his child and can't bear to break up this family without trying... However this is really only the latest episode. I just can't have another failed relationship-my marriage (resulting in DC) ended when DC was 3 weeks and I can't bear the thought of repeating history.
I'm thinking of trying to co-exist for the next couple of months. Until baby comes. But Other than holding the family together I can see this seems strange to try - Emotionally he is a bully (although At rare times he is amazingly supportive), physically I am doing virtually everything, and currently he is not contributing financially (he had money stuff to sort out and now he is back is saying he will start contributing once he starts work).
But I love him. We are not married but are engaged. However other than the proposal a year ago there has been little discussion about getting married and I will not get married with things like this.
I have a midwife app this week and am thinking of mentioning to her how I am struggling and getting no support (quite the opposite).