Fallen for a friend

[NCToSpareBlushes]

I've namechanged for this as I'm a little embarrassed. I was on a rare night out on Saturday night and bumped into a friend that I'd not seen for ages, she's recently split up with her husband, then following the split realised that she is gay. I met her a few years ago and we really hit it off, her XH is one of my DH's friends which was how we met.

We had a really good chat, I told her about friends of mine who had a similar experience and let her know that I identified as bi. Had a few beers and we were both flirting and complimenting each other, we ended up kissing and it was fantastic. Felt so natural and lovely. She is beautiful, funny, intelligent and is great company. She wants to meet up again and so do I.

The thing is, I am very happily married to a very kind, understanding and downright lovely man and have been with him for 22 years. He has said that its ok for me to have an experience with another woman but to me it feels like cheating on him, even though there is no way in earth that I'd be interested in another man.

I'm in a real quandary and don't know what to do for the best. I really like this woman so much and would love to take it further but I really don't want to hurt DH or hurt my friend.

Back away and leave it be.

I think the key is your husband said he has happy for you to have an experience, probably in naivety. I don't think he has even thought about a real relationship filled with thoughts, feelings and emotions. A bit of fantasy is very different from reality and reality will hit very hard if you keep contact.

It is cheating and it will end up feeling like that to all of you if you take this further. Stay away from this woman and don't contact her again and put your energy into working out what you want from your marriage.

If you are, as you say, HAPPILY married, leave well alone.

Tonys - good point, he probably was being a little naive and thinking of a sexual experience only, not an actual friendship / relationship.

Voice - yes, I am happy with DH but do feel there's something missing, which I've always assumed was due to my attraction to women.

Thanks for replying, you've both pretty much summed up the sensible thing to do.

hit post too soon!

Sensible is the way to go I think, I've got too much to lose.

but to me it feels like cheating on him

The reason it feels like that is because it would be cheating!

even though there is no way in earth that I'd be interested in another man

This is simple self-justification. You cannot really believe that it would only be cheating, if the person you were cheating with had a penis. I would guess that all 'happily married' people who cheat have to come up with some sort of (deluded, to my mind) justification to give themselves permission to cheat.

If you truly respect and value your husband step away from this.

(But you already knew that, didn't you !!)

(But you already knew that, didn't you !!)

^^
YY, spot on there sleeton

If you've snogged her, haven't you already cheated?

If your DH snogged another woman or another bloke, would you (or anyone else) be saying he hadn't?

You have to put a stop to this, because people will get hurt - you, your DH and your friend. Its not fair on her, you are effectively wanting her to be your bit on the side.

I would just chalk this up to experience and remain as friends, if you can

Remain as friends?

I don't think so, do you? How is this any different to a bloke snogging his old female friend after bumping into her in a bar and thinking they can go back to being 'friends'?

Thank you for your responses.

As he's already given me the go ahead to have an experience with a woman, he wouldn't class a kiss as cheating. I get what you mean though. If he kissed another man and I'd already said it was OK, then no, I wouldn't see it as cheating. If he kissed a woman or I kissed a man then yes, we would both see that as cheating.

I need to nip this in the bud before anyone gets really hurt.

Hi, hope it's okay to resurrect this as I see it's an old thread, it's just that I am in pretty much an identical situation myself at the moment and it's got me tearing my hair out for the same reasons you describe. I'm bi-curious, only fairly recently realised this and having very strong feelings for a lady I've met, hubby has 'greenlighted' me to have an experience "provided I don't get emotionally involved" - this is the bit I am struggling with at the mo, though ..... as I'm not sure I can separate the two. I am afraid that if I get involved with her on a physical level my emotions will follow suit. I know the smart answer is to walk away and I've been keeping my distance from this lady and the whole situation recently (she knows why and says she understands), but it still keeps pulling away at me inside, there's something very strong inside me drawing me to her, but I love my hubby and we are happy together and I'm just scared to risk it all.
OP, if your still around can I be nosey and ask how it all panned out in the end? Did you follow your feelings or did you opt to nip it in the bud and walk away from your bi-curious feelings? I hope I'm not stirring up any painful memories for you here and I hope it all worked out for the best :) just curious to hear how other ladies have dealt with this and the dilemma you faced sounds extremely similar to my own. It's incredibly hard isn't it!