Confronted mum about the heavy clock she aimed at my dad.

[sh77]

They had a huge row yesterday and she threw a heavy clock in his direction. It missed him and caused a huge dent in the wall, which shows the force. They have been married 38 years unhappily. She is prone extreme rage, which has now tipped over into violence. She hates being confronted and will never accept when she is wrong. I cant stop crying since seeing the dent. I confronted her about it and she started screaming and swearing whilst ds age 2 was present. She stormed off in the car and said she would not be back today. What do i do? I am shaken.

I found this which might help - even if your Dad won't call, perhaps you could, and then you'd be able to give him an idea of his options? Or this?

Thanks for sharing. My mum has never been happy. Her first instinct is to be negative. She has everything anyone could possibly imagine but no happiness. Recently, she has been spending crazy amounts of money on shopping ( though not a single penny on ds in two years) to fill the void within her ( that or she is looking to screw my dad over financially).

Snazzy - i went no contact for 9 months but had to make an effort more recently due to my brother's wedding. She loves ds more than anything, which i find weird. But, she won't be present in his life any longer as i am going no contact again.

Edam - that is really useful. Thank you. My dad is an incredibly patient and kind person. He is strong but i know he feels broken. I am the only person he really talks to. He is v close to my sis but he doesnt want her to know as she is pregnant and does not want to upset her or her home.

I apologise for my earlier posts. I'm not sure where my head was up my arse

Of course this is unacceptable behaviour, and you should support your dad any way you can.

sh77, I'm glad those links are useful, please do call or encourage your father to call, or both.

She sounds like my mum. When I was 19 I asked my dad why he didn't leave. He said my brother was too little. Now they are old and she's changed at lot. She isn't violent any more but it's just the two of them together. They don't see much of family. I have as little contact as possible.

She also did the 'pretending everything was normal' the next day. I was the only one who confronted her but she wasn't really ready to face up to her behaviour.

I don't know if there is a man's version of Womens Aid but am sure they would help by providing information which would be useful to him. He could also ask his gp about support for men in abusive relationships. But he would have to be willing to accept support.

Maybe you could just tell your dad that he can have a bolthole at your house and if he has to leave in a hurry, with no belongings, he can always come to you (if you're ok with that). He could leave a change of clothes and copies of his personal documents so that he has a bag ready in case of emergency.

Other than that, there isn't a lot you can do to help him, he has to help himself. Just knowing that you will support him, without judging him, will probably mean an awful lot to him.

Good advice re change of clothes and emergency kit, Fairenuff. There are domestic violence support services for men, I posted a couple of links a few posts back - might be helpful if your Dad is still at risk?