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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband shouted in front of baby

30 replies

bouncer · 13/05/2006 17:13

We had our first baby 2 weeks ago. I have been quite tearful and senstive since the birth and for the first week or so was in alot of pain too. My husnabd has been doing alot for me and baby. We had an arguments a few days ago and he said he wouldn't help anymore as he feel unappreciated.(he has since continued to help) I was still upset abut waht he said today and told him. he got defensive and said i wasa accusing him of being a bad dad and i had ruined the last 2 weeks by being negative and he shouted this & used foul language infront of our baby. I'm finding this very hard to deal with - any ideas?

OP posts:
Xavielli · 15/05/2006 23:11

I agree with most people that everything is magnified loads in the first few weeks.

Men can't grasp hormones really to be fair, all they see is their lovely sexy partner suddenly transform into some neurotic feeding/poop cleaning machine.

You have to be understanding. Me and DP did everything together in the first few weeks with DS. That way I could make sure he was doing it right and he wouldnt feel that he was doing anything wrong.

I also found that watching him interact with the baby made me fall in love with him for a whole different set of reasons. There is nothing so touching as seeing a big bloke caring for a tiny baby...

Try and relax... this whole senario will be forgotten in another few weeks and you will both be secure with the baby and you will probably feel less weepy!

bourneville · 16/05/2006 08:08

yes my boyf claims he doesn't even believe in hormones (or at least in their effect)!!
if we ever plan to have our own child i intend to sit him down for one heck of a chat!!

CarolinaMoonfish · 16/05/2006 08:18

we were exactly like this for the first few weeks after ds was born - we argued all the time and prob were a bit sweary too Blush.

It is incredibly hard to deal with and so different from the blissful ideal that you looked forward to when you were pg.

But newborns are bl**dy hard work, and it's a very hormonal, emotional time when you're both feeling extra-vulnerable anyway.

All you can do is make sure you balance out the arguments with praise for how well your dh is doing with the baby, how good he is at calming the baby down or whatever, just lay it on thick.

Try not to expect anything of yourself at the moment - in a few weeks, it will start to get easier Smile.

Munz · 16/05/2006 08:22

bouncer - having just gone thru this I sympathise hon, like Xav I did most of the stuff with my DH apart form feeding, I would say to him 'do u think think this is ok?' and he'd say to me 'if you do this like that' and vice versa it helped him to feel included. also he did the house work etc and I tried to pitch in when I could- not often! but the m/w came around and gave me some advice i'll give to you - all u're to do for the first few weeks is eat sleep and feed, your DH can do the nasty nappy changes/winding/dressing if you wish to dress the baby.

I found when I didn't get enough sleep (and still do 11 weeks on) that all I do all day ois cry - but it's purely over tiredness. try having a nap with baby next to you in the room, if not is there some one who can watch baby for a few hours whilst you do manage some sleep? - if they're in your house u can always be woken up if your feeding.

I don't think men do appriciate how hard it is for us mums, or if they do they seem to think they can do nothing and feel sorry for them sleves cos they work all day you know and us mums do nothing! (bloody cheek) thing is thou, you will feel sensitive - lord know's I was, it's all natural. honestly hon, in a few weeks you'll look back and say yes I was but things are bit better now.

(also my DH is better/was better at winding Joey than I am, so I asked him how he did it and sat down, he showed me how he did it I tried and then he gave me pointers - little things but he felt included with the baby iycwim)

also it's easy for everyone to say yes it's normal, and I didn't believe hte girls on here when my MIL was down and I perceived her as interfering etc when Joey was 2 weeks old, it was a case of he's my boy and I don't care what you say i'm doing everythink! but this time when they came down everything was more relaxed, she bathed him etc, and I got some rest, i'm not saying palm your baby off all the time but use your DH to get some rest.

soopermum1 · 16/05/2006 13:20

awe, a agree with everyone on here.

i argued with DH when DS was born, in fact i was kinda glad when he went back to work so i could just get on with it. i think everyone has this idea it'll be a cosy lovely time and it isn't like that all the time. those cosy 'lil monents come when you least expect it, in between the struggle to get into a routine and get some sleep, when you catch DH out the corner of your eye giving baby a cuddle or when he straps on the baby pouch and struts with pride down the high street or when he brings you a cup of tea when you haven't asked for it. all the rest of it is a bit blurry, confusing, hazy, sleep deprived, scary and wonderful all at the same time!

ps, don't worry about the arguing, if you're anything like us you'll continue to argue in front of baby, toddler, child, teenager, fully grown adult, it's natural

g

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