What stops you going back?

[Imdoingthis]

So what is it that stops you doing it and actaly going back?

I left my abusive ex of 16 years, a year ago I moved away with some of the children to a new area.
Why do I crave to go back I don't know what's wrong with me amd wonder do women go back ?
It's been a very hard fight to get away and keep my kids and I carnt figure out what's wrong with me when I wish I was back there.

I know he'd never change, it would be worse etc iv done the freedom program, but I carnt seem to move on I'm stuck and it's taken over everything I feel frustrated with myself.

7 children is going to make things difficult, admittedly. But think of it this way,: 7 children and a "partner" who abuses you is going to make things doubly difficult.

What you need to do is find activities you can enjoy that you can do as a family. When I left my abusive X I was also tied with the DC and could not enjoy an exciting adult social life. I dealt with it with lots of bike rides, swimming, walks with the dog, arts and crafts sessions, drinks at a friends (or them at mine) where the kids would literally sleep where they fell and the adults could share some grown-up company over some wine (without getting drunk as that never works with small children). I rebuilt my social life in houses with other mums (especially single ones) who also couldn't get out.

Once the DC get older it gets a LOT easier, I promise you. I am now enjoying the best years of my life, despite having the greatest responsibility I've ever had.

If you haven't got many friends (and many mothers don't, as they've been taken over by their DC and partner's needs) use mother and toddler groups to rebuild them. It may take time, but bite the bullet, invite people you like round for coffee or a playdate at a soft-play centre, etc., and you'll be surprised how it will pay off. To begin with it will feel difficult and uncomfortable, but achieving things always requires you to step out of your comfort zone. And believe me, this stepping out will be nothing in comparison to how awful your X made you feel on occasions.

You CAN do this. Do you realise how amazing you are even for leaving in the first place? So many don't. You did. You already have something about you.

Thankyou Dahlen

So I need to think a bit differently then, and except that things will be different but that I still can do x

Life did get amazingly easier when I left him, it was a dodal compared to living with him

I think if I know that things can change and will I can probably get on and do it