What would you do?

[Witchofthenorth]

Im not entirely sure Im posting in the correct place, but Im sure you lovely lot will let me know if it should be moved.

My DS4 is 15 months old and I think I am suffering from undiagnosed PND. I have really struggled with things and although I am in a better place now, I still struggle with my patience/temper/feeling of self worth etc. etc.

I actually I think, looking back, that I had it with my first 10 years ago and have never really gotten through it...mostly because I convinced myself that everything was ok. After I had my second child, I did go to the doctor and talk to her about it, I had 2 children under 2 and was working full time, Dh at this time was a stay at home Dad. The Doc thought I was just a tired wee girl and to get DH to do more and I was to do less at that as at that time DH kept a better house than I ever did/do and I had very little "houseworky" type stuff to do, maybe help put away washing, but not much else.

Anyway, fast forward to now, I only work a few hours a week and Dh works full time, a situation that has suited us both for quite some time. As i say I really struggled when DS4 was born and still do but thought I had got over the worst of times....there was a point where I could see me spiralling and I told my DH that if I couldnt stop it I was gong to have to go to the doctor and perhaps get some AD's.

I had thought I had managed for the most part, until this morning, due to a botch up with babysitters and my DH having to attend a funeral....I had to cancel my hair appointment again....cue a bout of sobbing that started at around 10 this morning and hasnt really stopped....I look terrific it has to be said

I wont bore you with all the ridiculous thoughts that have gone through my head since then (none of them serious I hasten to add)

After all of the above I will finally get to my WWYD....I think I need to go to the doctors and obviously I need to get DH involved so we can sort out how we tackle this, but he is of the "mental illness is a load of bollocks" camp and im not sure how to get past this.....

Am I just tired?, should I go to the doctors?, my husband will be supportive of me, but it wont be fully if he doesnt really believe there is something wrong.....

I dont know, me head is such a mess....thank you if you have managed to the end and apologies if any of it didnt make sense.

Well, you need to get some help - you can't let yourself stay like this or get worse (and it's not fair on your DC either) just because you suspect that your DH might think it's bollocks.

It's a very ignorant view. Would he say you were making it up if you said you'd broken your arm and a bone was sticking out of it?! If he loves you, he will support you. And surely a Doctor agreeing that you have problems will help him realise they are real - he doesn't believe he knows more about health than a qualified medical professional, does he? Also, PND is generally caused by hormonal factors, so understanding there's a physical reason might comvince him.

It's a really ignorant and immature attitude. You don't need to be burdened by that too.

Hi Witch, sorry to hear you are going through some difficulties. There is a website you can try called Moodgym. It is an Australian site developed by a leading univeristy and helps people determine whether they might have an issue and then helps them develop techniques to overcome it. It is in no way a substitute for the doctor but I was the same as you and kept plodding on thinking I would be wasting everyone's time. Doing the moodgym diagnostic in my own home, in my own time and crucially in private meant I could get a handle on things and make a decision about talking to the doctor about it. I had no experience of depression issues so couldnt determine whether I had it or not, mood gym helped with that.

I would also say dont be scared of going to the doctor on your own, even if it is for a chat initially, you can then talk to your DH about it and both decide what to do from there. You dont have to just chin up and face this alone, I suspect your DH is a bit scared of mental health issues and his "bravado" (for want of a better word) is really a substitute for not having the first idea how to deal with something like this. The doctor can help with all this.

I do agree that it is a weird attitude to have that mental health is bollocks, however can you try to see past that at least enough to get you a course of AD's if you feel that is what you need at present? Do you need his approval and 100% support to take some medication / seek some therapy for an issue you know you are having?

please try not to let the previous Dr's attitude put you off either, it sounds like that one was a bit crap and did not really listen to the issues properly. Not all GP's are like that.

oh and also I'm sorry you are having such a rough time of it. x

SundaysGirl no I dont need his approval, I would just get them whether he agreed or not if that is what I needed. The weird thing is that he believes that there are mental illnesses, you know like manic depressive, bi-polar, schizophrenia, all of the more severe ones, but believes that "depression" post natal or otherwise is more of a "your going through a rough time, grit your teeth and get on with it" kind of thing. Believe me, I have had so many converstaions with him over this where I have reasoned and debated the point with him, to telling him he is being downright ridiculous and to stop being so damned stubborn.

Magrathea I think youve hit the nail on the head with it being a bravado thing. I am also going to check out the website, thank you.

Anyway, I now feel very guilty as we have just a short but quality telephone conversation about me going to the doctors and having a chat with him, with a view to perhaps getting some pills if thats what is needed. We both agree that this cannot continue as it stands now.

Thats great news on the phone conversation .

I think it is easier to see depression as something that you can just 'get over' or 'pull through' because often the person suffering it is functioning on some levels. However sometimes extra help is needed, which is what it sounds like in your case.

All the best with the doctors.

That attitude always makes me doubt the brain capacity of the speaker.

As if, we could just snap out of it, I mean, if we could don't they think we would? Who in their right mind would CHOOSE to have a MH issue!

Not meaning to disrespect your DH ( ok, maybe a little), but is he this hard of thinking in other areas?

Trust me Katie I have said as much to him....cos I love falling apart at the most trivial of things....

this is from the man who witnessed my mother having a nervous breakdown. She stayed with us when her marriage broke down for a while and she literally broke down too....

I have to say though he is redeeming himself slightly, he has been out today at a funeral and I suspect he may have been bouncing some thoughts off of a close family member as he appears to have a different attitude about stuff this afternoon.