Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Sordid discovery - or could it be innocent? What do you think?

92 replies

Katy71 · 07/04/2013 20:04

Earlier today I needed to send a photo via email. Was on DHs iPad so sent it via his email. Checked to see it had gone and instantly saw in the sent folder an email DH had sent to a yahoo cn email (china?) a few weeks ago when he was on a business trip to LA. the address was 'Asian massage'. The email was blank - just a self taken photo of DH. He was wearing a t shirt and looked a bit scruffy - in bed maybe? He had sent it at 9am on the Monday morning, LA time. What is that all about? Thoughts please.

OP posts:

Original poster

Katy71 · 07/04/2013 21:27

Mondrian - could the girl not have recently arrived from china and be in US but still using her Chinese email? I use my .co.uk one wherever I am in the world.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 07/04/2013 21:29

Good idea, OP.

Does he have any history with cheating or with sex workers, either when he was with you or before he met you?

Can you access your online bank account?

Original poster

Katy71 · 07/04/2013 21:33

Not that I know of IB - tho now you mention it I did find an escort site on his history once - said it was some kind of porn related pop up. He has his own accounts and credit card as well as our joint one.

OP posts:

CajaDeLaMemoria · 07/04/2013 21:37

I have three email addresses, all from different countries. They were set up while working or living there, and I use them all wherever I am. I'm not sure Chinese email is relevant... Especially not a Yahoo email address and you can set up a Yahoo CN address from anywhere in the world.

Hmm. I think, if this was me, he'd be needing a pretty damn convincing reason right about now.

SlumberingDormouse · 07/04/2013 21:46

I agree. The .cn doesn't necessarily mean a Chinese location. Also, fwiw, I have had many porn and dirty chat pop-ups in my time but never escort sites... I think you need to go searching for those.

Original poster

Katy71 · 07/04/2013 21:51

This isn't looking good is it?

OP posts:

TweedWasSoLastYear · 07/04/2013 22:06

No , not looking great .
I would hold fire on the accusations for 24hrs to see if anything comes back from those ghost emails you sent.
He will lie about it anyway . It will be something to do with work when he was out there or some other load of poppycock.

Sti check maybe , just to be sure? sorry.

ladyjadie · 07/04/2013 22:12

I think it's strange that if he was sending a photo to someone he might want to/already had relations with, it was a photo of him scruffy and shirted in bed. It seems like a bit of a mystery. The 'Asian Massage' bit is obviously not looking good. I think Tweed is right regarding leaving asking about it until/if you hear a reply to the ones you sent. Otherwise it is too ambiguous giving him plenty of room to bullshit.

SlumberingDormouse · 07/04/2013 22:13

Yes, in the present situation it might be too easy for him to lie his way out of it think up a reasonably plausible excuse so I'd try and gather more evidence if you can before confronting him.

DharmaBums · 07/04/2013 22:25

Sorry op. you must be worried. Do agree with Mondrian though and think it may very well be webcam/porn-based. Fingers crossed for you. Big hugs.

Original poster

Katy71 · 07/04/2013 22:26

I'm quite naive but could Asian massage be just an innocent massage?

OP posts:

ArtVandelay · 07/04/2013 22:37

Possibly. We often get flyers in the post for 'Thai massage' and 'chinese massage' that have premises in town and appear completely normal unsexy businesses. Brothels are legal here and advertise in the paper so if they were erotic massages I'm sure it would just state that boldly. If that makes sense or helps?

SlumberingDormouse · 07/04/2013 22:37

Well, Thai massage is a (non-sexual) thing, but I don't think 'Asian massage' is. I Googled 'Asian massage' and it's all escort sites. Even so, I do find it hard to believe that he would send a picture of himself to a legitimate massage company.

Original poster

Katy71 · 07/04/2013 23:07

I've just confronted him. Couldnt keep it to myself any longer. He knew something was up - he had logged out of his email account already. First of all he denied that there was such an email - said he knew nothing about it, but refused to open his email account to see. I was very calm and persistent. He got quite angry and agitated, left the room. I said if he had nothing to hide then he should show me his texts and emails. He refused. Eventually started talking about how it must have auto completed. Obviously bollocks. I said as much and said he must have had her over to his hotel for sex. Hhe totally denied it. He has now gone to spare room.

OP posts:

Original poster

Katy71 · 07/04/2013 23:17

Views on his response anyone?

OP posts:

Numberlock · 07/04/2013 23:19

Classic denial.

LaLaGabby · 07/04/2013 23:20

I think this is prostitution. The email you found was probably the last in a chain of emails arranging to meet. He deleted the rest and forgot that one. To go to a brothel in this country you can just walk up. In America prostitution is illegal most places and the laws are quite often enforced, ie there are not open brothels. To find a prostitute you have to go through places like craigslist. They would want to see a picture of you if meeting in a hotel lobby as someone said, or if you are pitching up somewhere they might be worried about being busted. Sometimes expensive escorts need to see eg. work email address and then confirm you are who you say you are through linkedin etc before giving you the location. He probably took it in his hotel room impromptu before meeting. Maybe he had already deleted the email chain at that point and wasn't expecting one last email asking for a photo.

Of course this is just a theory, but much more plausible that 'he took it, and sent it by accident'. I don't think people usually send sex workers photos of themselves 'as mementos' either, don't think prostitutes feel that kind of affection for their clients.

Sorry .

AnyFucker · 07/04/2013 23:21

LIAR

deliasmithy · 07/04/2013 23:25

Katy,
I don't know whst he's dobe, but the logical way to behave in an entirely innocent situation would be to first convince you of his innocence by offering a plausible explanation.

In fairness if I was innocent I would be hurt by the accusation. But that would be my second concern.

The issue of pin codes etc - I dont know what the 'norm' is, but I know all OH's passwords - I could get into his email, phone, Facebook etc if I wanted.

madonnawhore · 07/04/2013 23:26

Imagine if the situation was reversed OP.

Your H asks you about a dodgy email he found in your sent items. You are genuinely innocent. How do you react?

Do you look puzzled/horrified, get on the computer straight away and try to get to the bottom of things because you want to reassure him and you're worried you've got some odd virus that's been emailing random photos of yourself to your entire address book?

Or do you throw a strop, refuse to let him anywhere your computer and flounce off to sleep in the spare room?

In short: is that the reaction of someone with nothing to hide?

Bessie123 · 07/04/2013 23:28

Shit, sorry op, but he is totally lying.

LaLaGabby · 07/04/2013 23:29

X-posted, I think the denial and refusal to open his email account rules out an innocent massage, mistake, etc...

Original poster

Katy71 · 07/04/2013 23:35

I am in shock and none of this feels real. Feel weirdly calm but my heart is pounding. Do you think he would have had sex? Or is it more likely a massage ending with her massaging his dick?

OP posts:

deliasmithy · 07/04/2013 23:35

Yes, thats it.

If I knew nothing about an accusation being thrown at me I'd take a look as id view myself as entirely innocent.

Then, I might query why someone had been looking.

However, if id done something wrong but thought I could get away with it, going on the defensive could seem like a good diversion tactic.

ArtVandelay · 07/04/2013 23:37

Well, if he's acting like that, something is not right. Don't know what I'd do in the face of angry denial like that. I wouldn't believe him though, sorry.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread