Fidelity...when is it important?

[NoseyNameChanger]

What are the rules of the game?

If a guy has a girlfriend, is it OK to go after him if you like him? If not, how do people meet Mr/Ms Right? We'd all most likely stay with the first person we started going out with.

If a guy is in a long term relationship but not living with his girlfriend?

If he's living with his girlfriend?

If a guy is engaged, is it still OK to go after him? What if he's making a mistake and can't see that you're the one for him?

If they've got kids together (and are together) but not living together?

If they have got kids together and are living together?

If they are married?

All different grades of commitment. I just see marriage as the ultimate contract. I know people don't see it as that anymore, but I just think if marriage isn't a contract to commitment and is 'just a piece of paper', then why does anybody get upset when they are cheated on, be it a husband/wife/girlfriend/babyfather whatever.

Why do we insist on fidelity especially when we don't believe in marriage?

It's such a complicated issue, I see cheating as bad whenever you do it but the longer the relationship goes on and the more commitments (marriage, mortgage, children) you have the worse it is. I kissed another man 3 years into my relationship, owned up and we moved past it, it was an awful time and I am lucky he forgave me. Now we are engaged (been together 4 years) and although I wouldn't dream of ever doing anything like it again, I would see kissing someone else as worse now we are engaged and planning our wedding.

I think people don't always agree on the terminology. Some people distinguish between 'girlfriend/boyfriend' and 'partner' and mean that 'partner' is a deeper level of commitment, others use different terminology because they are uncomfortable referring to people over, say, 25 as 'girls' and 'boys'.

But it's always dumb to make assumptions about someone else's romantic status - or your own without discussing it.

Going on a few dates = dating.
deciding that you want to have a 'relationship' and start getting to know someone = boyfriend/girlfreind.

Op asked if it was o.k. to have sex with someone who has a boyfreind/girlfreind.
I think it is not o.k.

The whole point about dating is that there is no committment. You can date as many people as you like, shag as many as you like can.

Op is asking questions that she already knows the answer to. So I have to question why she is asking?

Agree with Cognito, it's easy to get propositioned, someone who really liked you as a person would want more just sex and wouldn't approach it from the position of being involved with someone else. Some men think all single women of a certain age are desperate for a man and easy game - don't give them the satisfaction of being right op or you will find yourself being used and dropped while he returns to his wife/girlfriend/mother of his children.

If people only made promises they wanted to and were able to keep then it would be ok, especially if they werent pressured into making promises that were unrealistic for them. Sometimes this includes monogamy. many naturally promiscuous or polyamorous people feel obliged to promise monogamy for some stupid reason, when theyre completely incapable of it. How hard is it to just be bloody honest to people??
Fidelity is vital to me. Monogamy much less so, although it is "quite" important at the moment

I freely admit I am quite promiscuous by nature but don't act on it because fidelity is important to my husband. I wouldn't see that as an excuse to proposition someone else, I am capable of controlling my actions and do so because I would rather have my husband in my life than be able to sleep with anyone at anytime.