really need to get this off my chest about DP aunty

[redbull]

right so much to say dont know where to start...
dont get on with or see dp mom, dp dad never been in touch, the whole of dp family shoild be locked up in the loony bin
Only 1 member of dps family is sane thats his aunty, we lost touch with her due to us falling out with dps family recently got in touch again.

Brief history on dp
we split up 6 weeks after ds was born, found out not even a week later he was seeing some one else got back together, wouldnt say dp is an alcoholic but LOVES his beer, i have to do everything around the house its allways me that sees to ds(DS is nearly 5 and Autistic)
will just sit their playing on his mobile while im doing everything and still seeing to ds, wont play with ds that much,
birthdays and christmas mornings wont apear OTT with ds about what hes got its allways me that is hyper on these mornings to jolly ds along so he knows its a special day,
luckily my mom, dad and brother are FANTASTIC really OTT with ds all the time will allways play with him
Hope you all are getting the picture!

Well dps aunty is now telling me that i need to back of ds and give dp and ds some time to bond, she said that my mom and dad are involved to much and thats why dp wont bond with ds
Its really anoyed me cant talk to my parents or brother about it as i know and rightfully would fly off the handle.
I dont want to jepodise my bond with ds as with his problems he needs that consistancey there all the time not just when dp feels like he can be bothered.
Am i over reacting??, is dp aunty saying the truth?? would you be offended by it?? what would you do??
And last of all give your self a clap for reading all of this

How rude of her! What has it got to do with her? It's easy for her to judge

I'm sorry your dp is so blimming useless - men, eh?

if your in laws were around, would that stop you bonding with your son? i suspect not, so just ignore the silly mare

I think she's very irritating. But could you give your dp and ds some time together - would ds get involved in any activity (thinking of his special needs don't know if there's anything appropriate)? Could you leave your dp with ds and just go out for half an hour, forcing dp to pay ds some attention?

i ask dp to bath ds every night as ds loves playing in the bath and there is only so much rough play a mommy can do, but ds is proberbly bathed 3 max 4 times a week from dp he says hes to tired.
When i have tried to make time for them to play together dp just sits their eg ds only come out of plaster 2 weeks ago broke his leg at school had the plaster on for 15 weeks in the end, so im cooking dinner and tidying up in general ds is in garden with dp who is playing a game on his mobile and i can hear ds shouting push daddy so i pop my head round the door to see whats going on and ds is standing on his swing seat wobbling everywhere, dp isnt even watching him.

on saturdays i go food shopping with my mom and dad as neither me or dp drive, dp will either have ds with him at home and when i get back the house is in bits curtains still shut no windows open and dp sitting at the computor playing some poker game, or he will tell work he can work that saturday and sometimes he will say hes got work to do round the house so can we take ds with us, we get back and hes done nout just sitting there watching football.

I have tried telling his aunty all of this that dp has plenty of opertunities but she still says i dont give dp and ds room to bond that i suffocate ds

That is hard on you and ds. Could you think of an activity they can do together - something where dp is forced to take part rather than playing with his phone? Swimming? Football? Send dp and ds round to auntie's so she can see for herself what dp is like? Or tell auntie you could do with her help as dp just ignores ds when they are on their own - what can she suggest?

its not up to you to force your dp to look after his son. does anyone have to force you??? his aunty has no idea what is happening so just ignore her, if she says anything else tell her you are not interested in her opinion and to keep her nose out!

i know how frustrating it is as xp used to ignore our kids, sadly i dont think you can change them. 7 years on he still doesnt understand how to be a parent.

thankyou gigglinggoblin, edam its just so difficult ds loves having a bath last time we took him swimming he screamed the place down!
ds is petrified of going swimming, with ds problems hes very clingy and often doesnt want to go to dp as hes not used to dp playing with him, with Autism routines are very important so when dp does want to play with ds, ds doesnt want to as its not his routine to play with dp, its very complexed!
also dp aunty lives in the country side so its to far for us to travel also wouldnt trust dp to keep an eye on ds.

i havent had to work at my relationship with ds it just came so naturally, and i dont want to breack it down for dp because i just know he will let ds down, and i dont see why i should jepodise my relationship with ds for dp and his aunty.

the more i think about it the angry i become she had never met ds until recently and my mom,dad and brother have been there through everything with us, and i refuse to let their relationship suffer with ds all because of dp aunty

I think Aunty needs to be told that as she is not around 24/7, she is not in a position to understand the opportunities dp is given, nor to judge the way that you function as a family.

Having said that, I also think that you need to have strong words with dp, and say that he needs to make up his mind whether he wants to be an active parent in his son's life, in which case you will support and work with him to establish a routine that will benefit both him and ds. Otherwise, he has to accept that with ds's autism, he cannot be picked up and then dropped as the mood takes (not that any child should be!).

I think you sound like you're a lovely mum, and I'm really glad you've got a supportive family.

Thankyou fairyjay
i will admit that yes i have tried talking to him about it on numerous occastions and i get the same answer back its due to his work.
dp works in traffic management wich involves dp working all around the midlands even down to western supermare and out skirts of london in all weather he can be picked up at 5 in the morning sometimes and wont get home till 7.
So i can and do symphasise with him and this is his first real steady job that he actually loves.