Tell me why it is positive when an emotional abuser no longer wants to be with you.

[FennCara]

Yes I know it's an obvious.

I need it S.P.E.L.L.I.N.G. out on days like today.

I didn't end it, which makes me think:
"If this was EA, why would he end it? Surely he would want to control me still, not drop me like a hot rock. Maybe it isn't EA, maybe I'm the problem, I must be a nightmare..." etc. etc. Which, and I know this, is bollocks.

He has found a new victim amazing woman, and is filing for divorce.

Spell out why this is good... please!

No I understood it. A lot of it resonates, particularly the vulnerability point. I was abused when a pre-teen, gave me a very unhealthy grasp of sexuality and men in general really.

Been there - I was so lucky that mine fecked off after only a few months, because (I believe) I wasn't quite as easy to manipulate as he'd hoped. He still fucked me over mentally for quite a long time though! And yes, I was devastated that he went off with someone else - and then ditched her too because she wasn't conforming to his required behaviour pattern either. A few months later he found someone who would conform and she married him shortly afterwards.

I say it again - I was so lucky that he fecked off - I doubt I would have had the strength to ditch him myself if he hadn't, despite the lies and playing around and so on.

You too are very lucky that he is letting you go and has a new "toy" to play with. You will now have a chance to rebuild your persona and life without him and go on to live and enjoy life to the full. Congratulations on being free!

lucky yes! You are lucky Fenn.

I can't believe he has taken so much of me already. I was a fabulous teenager when he got hold of me [ego intact emoticon]. Although I'm only mid-twenties now, and I'm no different, so hopeful yet of a long and happy life. Bring it!

Although I do wish he would just disappear. My mind races and fast-forwards to all the DC's weddings, 21sts, graduations etc. where I'll have to cope with him. Even GrandDCs! I'll have to share them too! (He is rather reckless though and may not last that long...)

In all seriousness though, at least in the short term, I am absolutely gutted my lovely, passionate, heart-on-sleeve boyfriend turned out to be such a bastard.

(But I have his beautiful kids.)

Don't want to be the dark cloud...but just wanted to say be careful he doesn't try messing you around again.

Not sure how contact is now or is going to be arranged...but get something down, in writing, preferably at a contact centre or with a third party involved, so you don't need to see him.

My emotionally (and physically, three times) abusive ex has messed me around for the past 3 years since we've been split (which was his choice). He's living 5 minutes down the road with the woman-he-loved-all-along-and-who-he-treats-amazingly well, but uses our children as pawns to try and get into my knickers and/or fuck with my head. (If I dont sleep with him, he won't see the kids is the threat he uses but more subtley than that).
Only recently wised up and realised the children are better off without him (genuinely; he doesn't care) and I feel so much more free now, like a weight has been lifted.

So yeah - great news that you're still feeling ego-intact and gaining your confidence back, my ex took 7 years of my life from when I was 23 but I'm only 30 now so I still have plenty of life left; as do you and it's good you realise that.

Don't ever let him in to your head again :)

Women stay with abusive partners because the show of emotions (anger, controlling, etc) is interpreted as showing love. Ie. if he is this angry with me... That means at least he cares and loves me.
So when he broke it off its normal to feel rejected because his 'love' is no more.
Another reason is because you love him, you sometimes think if I had done this he would know how much I love him and calm down.
That's why you feel like maybe you didn't do enough for him

My point is people will tell you he was a cock but it might not help.

Now take this time to just be yourself. Focus on DC forget about men, build your social circle, contact old friends. Basically just make time for yourself.
Eventually you WILL see him for what he was.