Advice please on my sister

[tattyteddy]

I'm after some advice about my sister, am I the bad sister or her?

I'll start with the fact that I'm not particularly close to my sister as I think she's totally self obsessed! Tonight she's been sending me nasty text messages, and I suspect she's been drinking.

Anyway a little bit of back story...

The day before my wedding in 2009 she went in a giant huff because I wouldn't take her to McDonald's, the food I'd cooked wasn't good enough! The day of the wedding she was in pretty much a huff and not particularly happy.

When I had my DD 2011 she came up to see me and got annoyed that I asked her to use a plate for biscuits. I'd had a c-section and didn't want to have extra work to do. She also said I wouldn't let her hold the baby, this wasn't true but it was the first week and I was trying to establish breast feeding. Also she's agreed to cook tea one night and then decided she was too busy too so I had to, although I could barely do it!

Any time she comes and visits with my mum she leaves a trail of mess, never helps with anything. The time before last she invited an old school of hers to mine. Her old school friend brought her two kids and was relevant to leave (even when my sister was packing her stuff to leave). Also I was the slave making tea for her and her friend!

The last time she came up was for my DD's 2nd birthday party. I had told my family to eat at home as there was only catering for the the kids at the party. Another huff ensues.

She is 32 so not a young kid but does have a problem with alcohol abuse. Sometimes I think I don't get anything out of the relationship at all.

But I feel bad that she's annoyed with me today. I sent a text of my DD eating an Easter egg and that resulted in a couple of messages saying: you never let us see DD, you don't care about me. On monday she was unconscious after drinking to much alcohol and my mum had to call an ambulance. I would care more ot wasn't self inflicted!

Sorry for long post.

Sorry, have no advice really - just wanted to say that she sounds like a total nightmare who is pandered to/left unchallenged far too much.

I wouldn't want my DC to hang around with an unpredictable, demanding alcoholic either, family or not.

Thanks Lemon, I think my parents are struggling to cope with her - I think their at the end of their tether with her. Last week she was on a week long bender and promised them she wouldn't drink again! But she's been drinking again today. But even when she's sober the world evolves around her!

I don't want her to have any influence on my DD. we live about three hours away, probably for the best. I just don't have time for her crap - I have two year old and just went back to uni. I can never share my stresses ect with her though. X

Have you thought of Al-anon for support for you and your parents?

Thanks Unexpected I hadn't, I'll check them out. Xx

I've been in a very similar situation, I had to distance myself to save my own sanity. Your sister sounds like she's an alcoholic, there is very little you will be able to do to help her, she has to want to help herself. From my experience that won't happen until she reaches rock bottom. I wish I could offer more help or be more optimistic but I think you've got some tough times ahead, sorry.

Good luck, I do sympathise but would advise you to put your energy into learning about the effects of alcoholism on the family and how to minimise this. You can't change your sister but you can change how she affects you.

Thanks for your response verbal. I think you're right my parents never let her reach rock bottom, I think on her mind there is nothing wrong with her behaviour.

Having contact with her, when she's like this just gets me down. I think I should distance myself from her, emotionally too.

Definitely keep your distance and don't feel bad about it.

Al anon sounds a good resource.

I think you'll have to tatty, I know it might sound like I'm being harsh and suggesting you abandon her but until she herself accepts that she has a problem and seeks help there will be little you can do.

Talking to AA yourself might help you and help your parents see her behaviour has gone past just having a good time and that it's become a serious problem.

Thanks for all your help. I've been talking to my mum tonight and I think my mum is going to contact the GP tomorrow. I think my mum thinks my sis may have some mental health issues too . I think the GP will be a good starting point x

Good luck :)