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Original poster

Please tell me to get a grip

27 replies

Actinglikealovestruckteen · 01/04/2013 01:50

Ive name changed for this as I feel like a total fool, and need a good talking to.

I recently split up with my OH after being together for 16 years. We have 4 kids. Things had been shit for ages but it took me a long time (and thanks to mn too) to make the break, and I'm delighted I did.

Anyway, I was quite happy, me and the kids, full time job, part time student, so I'm pretty busy. Then I meet a guy. He's totally wrong for me, he's far,far younger, lives at home, no kids and goes out with mates all the time . We have gone out a few times and ended up back at mine for 'coffee'. The sex was pretty good and he stayed over and we ended up in bed for most of th next day too.

Despite telling him we are just friends etc I can't bloody stop thinking about him. I spend half the day checking my phone ( he does text me everyday) and worse, the rest of my time daydreaming. I'm like a fucking teenager.

Please tell me to get a grip. I know he won't turn out to be the one, I think i just want to be liked .

OP posts:
TheseGoToEleven · 01/04/2013 01:53

Of course he's not the one! No harm in a bit of fun though is there?

Bessie123 · 01/04/2013 01:55

Enjoy it. You'll probably go off him soon, when you start noticing his childish behaviour Grin

Tryharder · 01/04/2013 02:02

Get a grip, OP. Grin

Seriously, where's the harm? Enjoy!

Original poster
Actinglikealovestruckteen · 01/04/2013 02:02

I know, I keep telling myself it's just a bit of fun but I'm ending up pissing myself off - today for example, I knew he was going out with friends on sat night but there i was, up with my 6am wide awake children thinking , I wonder if he will text me' .
He did, but at about 4pm, saying he was just up and his mum was making him dinner.

Think I'm just jealous.

OP posts:
TheseGoToEleven · 01/04/2013 02:04

Maybe one day you can stay over and his mum can make you dinner as well. [bugrin]

pollypandemonium · 01/04/2013 02:06

Get a grip - enjoy it but plan what you are going to say if he phones. The text is him fishing to see how you react. Make your decision to keep it going or end it now. Not that I have ANY experience with this, just my gut feeling.

Mosman · 01/04/2013 02:11

Does it make you feel good, as long as it does it's fun no grip required, the moment it's anything but warm and fluffy ditch him.

Original poster
Actinglikealovestruckteen · 01/04/2013 02:17

As his family are all strict Catholics I can't really see me being welcomed into the fold!

I guess I'm struggling with this whole no strings sex thing. In theory it seems easy but he keeps introducing me to people as his girlfriend and beinG very sweet and considerate - I think I like him too much

Maybe most men are, maybe i had become so used to being ignored by exh it just feels weird that someone finds me interesting and , god forbid even sexy.

OP posts:
pollypandemonium · 01/04/2013 02:22

It's not very no strings if he's introducing you as his girlfriend!

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 02:33

He introduces you as his GF but do you see yourself as his GF?

You say you dont see it as a long term thing, he isnt the one...but could he have been the one if you had met him 15 years ago? Perhaps it isnt him that you are thinking about but what he represents. Perhaps he represents the life without children, the carefree fun you used to have, the choices, the "no strings" fun that really didnt come with strings. As much as I adore my children, I do miss that and maybe you do too.

I am going to go against the grain here and say that I wouldnt see him anymore. You and he are at very different stages in your life (age has nothing to do with that), you are getting over a LTR and finding yourself. I would walk away from him, as nice as he sounds, and spend some time man-less.

Original poster
Actinglikealovestruckteen · 01/04/2013 02:33

That's what I thought Polly! I later asked him and he said that it sounds better than saying anything else, which I guess it true.

Going to sleep now, as I will once again have my ' mum wake up it's 6am' we are hungry/ thirsty/ want the telly on team.

Thank you all for the grip!

OP posts:
Original poster
Actinglikealovestruckteen · 01/04/2013 02:39

Bogey face I think you are right, I think he reminds me of bygone times, when all I had to worry about was, well not much really.

Also most of my friends are married/with partners so it's nice to have someone to go out with when the kids are at their dads.

I might meet him once more, he was a pretty good shag and I've not had many them in recent times!

OP posts:
izzyizin · 01/04/2013 02:42

Get a grip on what part of his anatomy OP? [buhmm]

The quickest way to get over one is to get under another.

No doubt your toyboy has given you a boost. Enjoy him while it lasts but take care not to get too emotionally involved because, despite what will no doubt be umpteen reponses saying the equivalent of 'I'm 60 and he's 25 and the age-gap has never been an issue', this odds are this won't be a long term liaison unless it is purely a no strings fwb arrangement.

Lucky him, eh? And well done you [bugrin]

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 02:44

A good shag is always worth making time for :o

I have childless single friends and love seeing them because of the fun we have. They dont say "Oh I'd better not have another drink, I have to be up with the kids....." I adore my children, but on the nights I dont have to worry about getting up with them, I dont want to think about it!

Bogeyface · 01/04/2013 02:45

The quickest way to get over one is to get under another.

Classy! and true

izzyizin · 01/04/2013 02:50

When I have time to linger over it, I like to savour my coffee too Grin

izzyizin · 01/04/2013 02:53

What you don't want to do is find yourself starring in a remake of The Graduate or The Roman Spring Of Mrs Stone as that would end in tears before no more bedtime.

izzyizin · 01/04/2013 03:06

You do realise that the law of this board decrees that anyone starting a thread of this nature is obliged to reveal the age of the coffee maker and the age of the coffee taster?

Failure to comply will result in a horde of mumsnetters bearing placards with assorted slogans such as 'Actinglike is a lucky gal cougar on heat' and 'Lock up your young men when Acting's around' parading up and down outside your house... and his Grin

Leverette · 01/04/2013 06:42

This reply has been deleted

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YoothaJoist · 01/04/2013 07:05

I don't get it. What's the problem? Seriously - in your shoes I'd just enjoy it and not worry too much about the 'what ifs'. Plenty of time to find some boring old fart to spend time with later on.

The only thing that worries me slightly is your line about the sex being 'pretty good'. Tell him to up his game - you want mindblowing sex or you're not bothered. Grin

GilmoursPillow · 01/04/2013 07:14

The only thing that worries me slightly is your line about the sex being 'pretty good'. Tell him to up his game - you want mindblowing sex or you're not bothered.

Fairylea · 01/04/2013 07:25

Hmm. Just be careful.

I did exactly this... ex h left me and within a short time I was having a shag buddy relationship with someone I worked with - he was 23 I was 30. He was always out, lots of friends, I was adjusting to being a single mum etc.

At first it was all very full on, lots of texts from him, I spent all day thinking about him and smiling to myself. He'd come over once or twice a week and stay over when dd was at her dads. It was nice to feel sexy and younger and wanted again.

5-6 months in he seemed to get bored and started chasing other people - I became a bit preoccupied facebook watching as he seemed to flirt with people on there... all a bit daft.

Long story short... he said he just wanted to be friends although "the sex was good"and although deep down I knew he wasn't right for me long term I was heartbroken. Big time. More than when ex h left.

I cut all contact and blocked him on fb etc otherwise I knew I would never get over him.

It took me a long time of hurting to put it behind me..

Original poster
Actinglikealovestruckteen · 01/04/2013 11:13

Ok, to avoid the placards he is 25, I'm 35.

Fairy lea, I think you have hit the nail on the head, I'm afraid I don't really know how not to get emotionally attached. I am spending far to much time thinking about him, and hoping he is thinking about me.
Sounds really selfish - I think I want him to fall for me to prove to myself that I'm not fat ugly and lazy (ex's words). Which isnt fair on him, or me.

I think I should take a step back, I'm not going to text him, if he texts me Ill reply, but I need to stop checking my phone a hundred times a day and remember the joys of being single.

OP posts:
JaceyBee · 01/04/2013 11:29

Yeah you don't want to get straight into another LTR, play the field a bit! If you could have an fwb arrangement with him that would be ideal, regular sex, someone to text sometimes and a nice ego boost without having to make a commitment and being free to hook with other people as and when you want to. Oh, and of course you're not fat and ugly, or you wouldn't have pulled a fit 25 year old in the first place, you smoking hot MILF Wink

Fairylea · 01/04/2013 14:51

Sounds so much like me I have to say ! :)

You're a hot sexy woman. You must be tohave pulled a fit younger man. Remember that. And forget him. Or at least widen your circles. Met lots and lots of people. Go online dating. Have fun.

I have a happy ending... I joined plenty of fish and despite lots of weirdos I met my now dh. We were both so nervous when we started dating it took us 8 dates to even kiss!! We'd both been hurt before.

We are now happily married and we have ds 10 months and dd as well (mine from previous) who is now 10 years old.

Don't ever settle for being second best or feel you haven't got a lot to give. You have and you are just discovering yourself.

Funny enough my dh is the same age as my shag buddy (!) So maybe I do well with younger men! But dh is a totally different kettle of fish :)

It's fun being ditzy and in the rush of lust. The comedown hurts like fuck though.