Long story short: my dh and I have two ds one four tmrw and one nearly ten months.
We have a chequered history of arguing. Basically he walks away and I rant. However since going to relate I have stopped and only talk quietly about my displeasure. He hasn't changed at all.
He has a weird habit of when we are getting along fine finding something to blow out of all proportion and pick a row though.
He grew up in an emotionally stunted environment. His mother is in denial about he feelings and his father seems on the autistic spectrum.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family too but the other way!my parents expressed their negative emotions all too readily.
At an rate we have all been sick but of course mugging he gets all the night duty while he has the man flu. I have always done the nights. He says he's incapable. I am cross eyed with exhaustion.
This evening his mother and sister were visiting and dh and I were supposed to go to a film. I always arrange nights out. He does not really ever make an effort with cards, flowers, dinner, anything. He puts a lot of energy into the children and house but not into our relationship which has been the case for years now.
So I was pushing for this night out and he seems reluctant. He goes out regularly to see a film with a mutual friend and has an arrangement on Tuesday.
Ds1 did not want us to go in the end anyway so I said to dh well you can cancel tuesday and we can go out instead.
He said no he and friend wanted to see this film, last showing etec etc.
I accused him of not bothering to make an effort with our relationship and just dismissed him, saying go talk to your mum and sister who were all ears in the other room.
And then he just left! For two hours. Leaving me with the children and explaining to the inlaws.
It aa embarrassing, it looks to them as if he does not care. He did not bother to tell me ahe head gone, he texted his sister though.
When he eventually returned he claimed that I was arguing in front of ds1 so he left to avoid it.
I know this is emotional abuse. I know he is trying to control me and stop me expressing any disappointment, displeasure, mild anger. He often gets angry, swears, bangs things etc. am not allowed. I get told I needd anger management.
He cannot see that leaving the house suddenly is disruptive and unhealthy and da1 was confused as to why he had gone.
Is he autistic maybe! Or is he just a selfish controlling man who does not really care about me.
It is da1 birthday tomorrow so I am not going to discuss it.
He also said did I want him to leave! Which to me smacks of someone who wants to leave.
He is not having an affair, he only works part time and I know where he is. He goes to Kung fu once a week and tai chi but I've seen emails etc so I know that's no made up.
I feel so hurt and humiliat and lonely and unloved. I think he must rally not want to be with me if he is incapable of affection. Years ago before we were even engaged I remember telling him he had no emotion. He won't ge help, he doesn't think he has a problem. I'm worried his weird behaviour will be damaging for the children. He is also somewhat paranoid, cannot handle conflict, is rude in his bluntness, socially a bit inept and avoids situations and people rather than face them. He is quite emotionally cowardly while putting on this big macho physical front.
Have I married someone with big big problems? What should I do?