Hello ex h
Our DD has been inconsolable tonight. For the first time since your sordid (second) affair came to light two years ago she has finally cracked and it has all come pouring out. She has been wanting to die on and off since you left. she feels that way now more than ever because she has become embroiled in what can only be described as an emotionally abusive relationship. Not with a man, however, as what you did has affected how she feels about all men (her words).
Since you so cleverly and cunningly manipulated her into leaving home to go to a college far away from me, her DB's and her granddad, she feels she has lost the life long friendships she had since childhood, she lost you, her grandmother, her home (in order to fund this expensive but now, it seems, hated 6th form education she's doing very poorly in) and most importantly her self esteem has hit rock bottom. She hates herself. She feels indebted to you and can't bring herself to tell you that she now hates the education she once loved and achieved in, doesn't want to go to the uni which you have already planned on getting her into via your 'connections' - she doesn't want to go to uni at all any more. She knows you have lost interest in her since you managed to prise her away from her home and family, she feels abandoned each time you fail to keep your promise to ferry her to and from college.
And thank you, by the way, for finally choosing to confess to her that I wasn't imagining the affair. Your timing of that wasn't so good, though, was it? The day after her grandmother died? How any grown man can think that such a confession will help a 17 year old deal with her grief is beyond me, especially given your highly paid job as a MH 'professional'.
The thing is, ex h, I no longer care about what you did to me as your then DW. But I care very much that our DD is so disturbed she can't function properly and even the therapy she had has failed to help her - in part because you refused to attend so that we could reach some kind of resolution for her sake. This is the first email I have felt compelled to write to you in a long time, I thought I had no words left to say. But you haven't got off scot free by a long chalk and I hold you responsible for our DD's state of mind right now.
Having said all of that, neither DD nor I want your intervention. If you live to be a hundred you will never compensate (financially or otherwise) for your selfish, ego driven, deceitful and hateful treatment of your family.
And by the way. A message to your 'soul-mate'. You are quite wrong to have labelled me as 'weak'. You are forgetting that it is you who chose to take up with a man who could do all of the above and much, much more rather than be with someone who is capable and demonstrates love and respect for others.
Sleep well, both of you.
Wisey.