Having a wobble

[Pippinlongsocks]

Posted a couple of times before. Am at the beginning of separating from EA H which I am happy about even though I know there will be some tough stuff to get through.

DS is ok that we are going to be separating as he has seen what has gone on before and wants this too. I have had a good past week making plans, getting info etc. tonight though I have just seen my DS off on a week long school trip and I feel like my heart is breaking already missing him and worrying about him being safe, abroad without me for the first time.

We are still living together till the house is sold. H is downstairs and I am holed up in bedroom feeling like I can't breathe and feeling so alone. It just feels like it is going to be the longest week ever without my ds who is just the best and I love him so much.

I think what might be happening is that I am having a bit of a meltdown now that I don't need to keep up a brave face so as not to upset ds. Feel,like I have taken a bit of a step back and all the strength I was feeling has sort of fell out of me! Perhaps I just need someone to tell me to pull myself together. Ds texted me 20 mins after he left on the coach with "I love you" and I've lost the plot since then. Sorry, just need to get it off my chest I think.

You are going to be absolutely fine Pippin, promise. This is just a little rough patch because you're missing your DS so much. But he'll be back before you know it and you'll both be moving on to your new life. Why not think about something lovely that you can plan for the two of you to do together when he gets back?

You sounds like you have made a brave decision and you are doing just fine. DS loves you and you have a great future ahead of you. Now get out of that bedroom and go and have some fun with some friends.

Sorry to hear things are really tough right now but well done on leaving this relationship.

Sounds like you have hit the nail on the head with having a meltdown now it is safe for you to do so with your son away. I don't see that as losing strength at all, I think if it needs to come out let it come out. Allow yourself to feel as desolate and upset as you are feeling, and afterwards you will find that strength is still right there, it hasn't left just because you feel upset.

Your son sounds lovely and I am sure is going to have a fantastic time, he will be safe, and of course you will miss him but you will get through this week.

Oh sounds like you need a good cry! It's alright to let go and fall apart a bit.

Have you got any plans for the week ahead? Can you treat yourself to anything, maybe a massive lie in tomorrow for a start? Your ds will come home full of stories about his week, I would do something fun/exciting so you can tell him about it!

Thank you so much for your replies. I feel like I have spent so much time holed up in my bedroom. Even though it is a nice bedroom, it's not the best consolation for all the bad stuff that has got me to this point but my lovely ds is and seems so far away. I have spent the last three months diligently distracting myself from the inevitable meltdown by making endless cups of tea, walking miles, baking cakes, researching stuff like mad that there is no holding back now I guess. Best to let it out. Thank goodness I found MSN though. Might never have had the strength to make the decision in the first place xxx

I do have some plans, one is doing a car boot on Sunday to sell loads of stuff to make our move easier and make some money for the escape plan. I'm making a mood board of decorating styles for when I can decorate how I want to! I'm telling myself tomorrow will be easier and a day closer to my little guy being back! Xx

Sounds like you are doing all the right things. You have plans to keep you from wallowing and recognise when you need to let things out. Tomorrow will be easier and the little fella will be back home before you know it.