AIBU to not want to go to Vegas for a friend’s birthday?

[Shoesme]

Hello, probably a trivial AIBU and I don?t believe I am. I?m a dad of a nearly 2 year old, me and his mum aren?t together anymore but everything is fine on that front. My best friend is planning on going to Vegas next year for his 30th birthday for a week. I was asked and flat out said no as I need to look after my son who I have Monday, Tuesday and Thursday evenings then every other weekend.

I have been told that I need to be more selfish by another friend who is also a dad and shouldn?t put my life on hold and other cries of its only for a week. I?m not trying to be a martyr or anything but am I putting my life on hold? I look forward to seeing my son and don?t feel I?m missing out on anything and shouldn?t having a child mean you have to give up aspects of your previous child free life? There?s not many people from my friends who think I shouldn?t go, which has thrown me.

Opinions please?

I'd go if I were you.

My DH is just back from a week's holiday without us - didn't harm the children at all. He called us every day and he had a great time.

If you don't fancy Vegas that's entirely up to you but I don't think it makes you a bad father if you go and equally not a better father if you don't go.

A week in vegas is way too long imo - but confess that i've not been but others I know have, it was a 'turn night into day' time but they didn't do any strip pool games and stayed about 3 days then moved on.

It might be the holiday of a lifetime and a brilliant laught but it might be a drunken waste of money and a bit boring after a while though no one will admit it .

Give it a bit more thought and do what YOU want to do.

(I am a short flight away from vegas now but still find other places I'd rather go)

I have been to vegas a few times. There is nothing boring about it at all. Even if you dont gamble (and I dont).

Thank you for the extra replies, I?m really not trying to come across as a martyr at all and I?m embarrassed if I have. His mum has took him away before for a week to Centre Parcs, he didn?t forget who I was or anything like that but for me it?s not about that. I do have plenty of child free time so I feel that?s when I should plan to do things with my friends and the days I do have my son is his time.

Would it be good to go to Vegas? It probably would, I?d have a great time most likely but I have great times at other points so I wouldn?t feel like I?m missing out. I do feel bad that it?s my friends 30th and he would want me there but I?ve got responsibilities.

You sound bloody lovely. do you need a new partner? They'll be forming a queue soon if you keep this up.

(not me, I'm old enough to be your mother)

Cougars are in fellatio.

wonders if punctuation might have improved my last post slightly

I agree don't go for a weekend it's too short.

Maybe you could arrange to go to Amsterdam for a weekend with your mate? You could even perhaps give him this as a gift as it's pretty cheap to go?

I love Amsterdam, it's good for partying and cultural too.

I don't like going away without my dcs now. Funnily enough I didn't mind so much when they were younger but now they're teens I feel like I'm leaving them out. If their dad took them somewhere it wouldn't seem so bad. Dp and I take them away though.

You sound like a great dad

I do need a new partner actually lol

Yeah I've plenty of time for weekend stuff, recently been to Edinburgh so it's not like a don't have child free "fun". I just like to plan it around my son is all.

Could it be you omitted a few letters, such as g i v g around 'in', Isla?

A week in Vegas, for a birthday? A week? How times change. When my mates and I were in the business of turning 30 we had a long lunch down the pub.

IME people who say stuff like this are just pissed off that you aren't doing exactly what they are doing or want you to do with your time/money/parenting/life. It's the same as teenagers saying you're boring if you don't come out clubbing or whatever.

In this case your friend wants you to spend at least £1500 and a week 's annual leave for his birthday. Only you know whether you'd enjoy the trip and what the opportunity costs of going would be.

Also, your bloke friends sound rather needy!

The money might be better spent on dating

thing is, you find a lot of people who don't have DCs (and depressingly, alot who do) see them as a chore and that you spend time with them out of duty. Childcare is seen as work - something you should want to be away from.

However, if you find being with your DC as fun, as something you enjoy, then you aren't getting out of a job, you are giving up something you enjoy, that you'd enjoy more than the trip. That's hard to get your head round if you don't like spending time with small DCs.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad about the fact you enjoy spending time with your DS. Your DS is lucky to have a dad like you.

'I have been told that I need to be more selfish by another friend who is also a dad and shouldn?t put my life on hold and other cries of its only for a week. I?m not trying to be a martyr or anything but am I putting my life on hold? I look forward to seeing my son and don?t feel I?m missing out on anything and shouldn?t having a child mean you have to give up aspects of your previous child free life? There?s not many people from my friends who think I shouldn?t go, which has thrown me. '

Your friend is a dick. Why? Because friends respect each other. When you said, 'No,' he should have replied, 'Okay,' not pile in to scold you.

'I do think my best friend, whose birthday it will be feels like it will be a slight if i'm not there so yeah i should explain that although it would have been good to go it's not something I can commit too these days and it's entirely my decision.'

This is how my child behaved when she was 5. It's a birthday. A week 7000 miles away for a fucking birthday?

This guy needs to grow the fuck up. I start distancing myself from immature people like this, tbh.

YOU don't want to go, YOU prefer to spend time with your son. Stick to your guns.

Well, I certainly wouldn't have gone off to Vegas for a week and left my 2 year old ds behind, so I don't see why you should if you don't want to!

I've never left him for more than a night (he's now 7) and then only for work. I don't think it's being martyrish, I just don't want to.

It's always hard when you're one of the only ones in your peer group with children - people just Do Not Get It in general. Personally I would save your money for a holiday with your ds, but it's up to you.

FWIW, the OP has stated that Prince Birthday BOY is also a father.

Dude, You are an adult. You make your own decisions. You also do not need to offer a dissertation justifying your choices, certainly not to "friends".

They are shaming you into going, imho.

Tell them to pound sand.

Some people who resist change get very bored (and boring) without even knowing it. When I wanted to ttc, but didn't know if or when dcs would actually come along, I made a resolution that no matter what I would change my life radically. I knew that I was doing myself no favours by pretending to be 19 when I was 35. As it happens I was lucky enough to have dcs, and everything did change, but I still see some of the old people propping up the bar and they don't look like they are exactly living the dream.

So erm what I was trying to say OP was well done for embracing change - it keeps you young, happy, interesting and interested.

A WEEK in Las Vegas - nightmare! Lots more fun/ varied things to do in Europe. Las Vegas casinos are very depressing, mostly filled with lady pensioners running slot machines, and the most obese people per square mile you will ever see in your life!! I had the pleasure of watching one get cardiac resuscitation when he keeled over in line for one of the many "all you can eat" establishments that attract the food addicted to LV? On the other hand, there are legal hookers, but Amsterdam is closer. I think you know what you do & don't like, so stick to your guns. The picture I am painting here is so that you know you won't be missing much. I am sure your friends will return with wondrous stories, but take with grain of salt, and always remember "to thy own self be true."

Thanks for the replies, i think the whole booking a holiday and expecting everyone to come to celebrate you being born is worth a thread on it's own ha.

But yeah I won't be going and it will be a lot of hassle for just the weekend. I've said to them that it's not up for debate now and that i'd be more than happy to go for a drink/celebrate when I'm free around the time of his birthday. So thank you for you opinions.