How to help colleague - DV related.

[work789]

Have NC for this, and sorry in advance if I'm a bit vague, because it's relating to a work colleague, so don't want to out her.

I work with a girl who is only young and no kids. She recently got out of a very abusive relationship where she had frequent black eyes, numerous injuries etc as well as serious debts. She'd been away from him for a few months and was gradually growing in confidence. Today didn't come into work and said she had a black eye and concussion. She made an excuse about the cause, but there are other telltale signs that she's back with him.

Is there anything that we can do to help her as colleagues / friends / boss? Would the police take it seriously if it was reported by her employer? I intend to give her the number of Women's Aid tomorrow after reading a few threads here tonight but of course can't make her ring.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

I think all you can do is be a non-judgement, supportive person in the background.

Give her the information from WA and say you are there if she needs to talk.

I am afraid you can;t make her do anything, you can only encourage her to believe in herself and her self worth.

On that note, many of us stay with |DV partners because we have very very low self confidence and belief...any ways that you can help her to see her value and worth would be good, and non-threatening (hoping she is good at her job!)

thanks for caring, so many people just don't want to know.

Thanks. She is good at her job but doesn't think she is. I appreciate the advice.

I think the police would take you seriously actually, especially if they have a record of DV already. If she was a child arriving at school with black eyes and so forth, there would be no question about keeping quiet, giving the kid the number for the NSPCC and hoping for the best. Call the non-emergency police number rather than 999. You might save her life.

I wonder if it might be worth searching out DV support in your local boro? Who provides outreach in your area? Hopefully the police will be good with her. Is search out a DV specialist and get her in a room and explain that you think this is what's going on and why doesn't she have a chat to these people? Tell her this happens to 25% of women, she is not alone, she has nothing to be ashamed of, she doesn't have to leave if she doesn't want to but equally if she does there will be plenty of help.

Gone you are alright too xx

The woman was concussed!!! That's GBH. This isn't a case of suspicion, gossip or something else vague, the woman is physically injured and needs help. I think it's gone beyond getting specialists in for cosy chats and has to be escalated before he stoves her head in for good...

A DV worker can risk assess and help her work out a safety plan......it's far more than a cosy chat!!!!!! What are you thinking!!!

If you force her to report or,indeed do anything she might be upset and feel further controlled.m I think speaking to the local domestic abuse services is the way forward. It is not a chat at all, it will be a professional assessment and a worker who will stick with her for however long, talking, supporting, giving advice and options for her to follow whenever she is ready. Go ,in guns blazing when she is not ready and she may run, and that is not what she wants. I,do agree about offering some medical assistance tho.

I think there are times when active intervention from the police is the only moral answer. She's already lying and covering up because she's back with the man who is assaulting her. She's already concussed and injured enough to dodge going back to work. I'm remembering the woman that had her eyes gouged last year. She was never 'ready'... and no-one stepped in for her By the time a DV worker is located and has time to organise this assessment it may be too late.