DP has given me an Ultimatum

[molly199]

Been with DP for 4 Years. we are not married yet. After all this time me and his family have got on and then not talked on many different occasions over the years. Mainly their fault.

Dp has now given me an ultimatum to either be fine with them from now on, or to never speak to them again. None of this is my fault but this is the way he is making it out to be.

What do I do, I cant see a future for us if his family are always an issue. But also they are so hard to deal with, and always put me down and make me feel 1 inch tall.

So you have to be nice to them forever regardless of how they act? That's ridiculous.

Agreeing to be civil with them as long as they treat you with civility should be a given, but more than that is an unfair ask.

Honestly family are big factor If he isn't going to support you know it's time to walk away IMHO

I would give him an ultimatum in return - back me up or bog off.

Would make me rethink my options.

If his family are a nightmare and he doesnt stand up to them, it will potentially be hideous.

Can't you take the option of never speaking to them again? His choice, after all.

When they have gave me abuse I have stood up for myself obviously. But never ever went as far as they have in the past.

I could never speak to them again but theirs two children involved on his side who I really love, so i am unsure how it will affect my relationship with them. Also ill miss their birthdays, christmases etc

Not speaking to them again sounds fine to me, if you don't get along... What's wrong with taking option 2? Or is a trick question?

FWIW I tried to not speak to my ILs ever again but DH said that wasn't an option. I am quite glad we are all friends again but it did take DH to stand up to his nutty Dad to make everyone have a fresh start. It's never easy - you have my sympathy.

I actually think I want to end the relationship, but I just can't do it. As its just too much to handle from someones family forever

How dare he give you that sort of ultimatum. He should be supporting you! I'd get out too.

Oh Molly, try to find the strength to end the relationship if you want to, don't stay for any other reason other than you want to. He has no right issuing you with any ultimatum, it's you he should be backing.

Do you think if say the ILs disappeared or died tomorrow, you would still want to end the relationship? Or has it gone too far with the lack of support etc. and you have had enough of him anyway?

Bit of both really, I cant see it getting any better. Its making me resent him

You need to end this. You really do. This is no way to live the rest of your life.

but you won't get to see his dcs at all if you break it off with him?
I'd go for not seeing the ils personally

Well then it sounds like he's the problem and the IL's are sort of a secondary issue that's brought it to a head. Have you thought about practical next steps to get away, or is that a bit much right now?