How to cope in marriage with no intimacy?

[meshcelador]

How to cope in marriage with no intimacy?

Married for 15 years ? 2 kids. Sex has never been a priority for him and he would quite happily live without it. We have gone through many periods over the years where we haven?t done it for many months. I have tried to talk to him about it and told him that I can?t lead a celibate life and he agrees but nothing changes. It is not particularly great when we do get round to it and 90% I initiate it.

The current drought has lasted for several months.
I feel I am well past my prime now and will never do it again - I am early 50s.
It has got to the stage now where I feel irritated by his peck on the cheek when he leaves for work and then his hurt look. We have virtually no physical contact no hugs etc and I don?t know if I could bring myself to sleep with him again and blame him for not seeking help with his lack of sex drive (he has hypothyroid). I feel he isn?t very masculine and it is too late for him to change as I just don?t fancy him anymore.
We just bumble along most of the time co-parenting and most of the time getting along quite amicably. I have started to have sexual dreams about exes and feel that the only reason I haven?t had an affair is lack of opportunity.
I have a history of abusive relationships before him and he was the first decent bloke I went out with.
If we split up he only has work ? no close friends or family etc. He is a good dad and provider. I feel trapped.

Mesh.....you and I have a lot in common here. We used to have droughts that lasted months.....now try years, think last time was 2007 maybe 2008. I can relate to all you say, we are the same age. I am hypo too, could be where my libido has gone but his went long before I was diagnosed.
I don't know where to go from here. Been through a split before, remember how hard financially it was, I have that security now, where would it leave me? I don''t know where to begin. Sorry I'm not been very helpful to you here, I suspect there are more of 'us' in this stalemate, I think I do it for a quiet stable life, I don't need any extra stressors ad I have enough going on but it makes me so incredibly sad to think it's come to this. I don't know if I can go back now to how it was. I want to be loved do you?

The main reason for staying with him seems to be that his life is so limited that it wouldn't be very good without you. Whereas, if you stay with him, your life continues to be miserable. You're irritated, frustrated, resentful and unhappy. Why is his life so much more important than yours? Why are you responsible for his happiness and not the other way around.

He could be an equally good dad and provider in a two-family set-up. Even if you have a crap marriage you could be great co-parents and great divorcees....

Yes OP, you could also become great friends as well as coparents and to me, that would be something very valuable.

From what you say, he seems like a fundamentally nice person and i think a good place to start would be telling him you you want to have a relationship with sex and intimacy and would like a chance to find that.